Ding Dong! Oh Hello, CPS is That You?

For the past 11 months I have been waiting for the day Child Protective Services shows up at my door because I have been neglecting my motherly duties because of all my new...er... Twilight duties. Well, if it didn't happen before I am quite frightened it most certainly will happen now.

Let me give you a little back story...my little ones are in 1st grade this year and their teacher is a Stick-In-The-Mud, No Sense of Humor, Corn Cob Permanently Stuck Up Her Ass, Arthritic, Non Smiling (I'm not even sure she knows what the emotion of "happiness is") type of an educator....

So the day before Christmas break the girls bring home all their Christmas Crafts, and in the pile are the cards they made for me and dh. We each got separate cards. Dh's card is all cute with a little gingerbread man and they wrote "Merry Christmas Daddy, you are a good boy" "Ho Ho Ho"...blah blah blah... Mine however was this:

Yes, you are seeing that right...that is a Vampire Gingerbread man with blood dripping down his face and a picture of Edward beside it.

So I am thinking..."Shit!"...but ok, surely the teacher will just forget about it and think this was a one time occurrence and my kids are just weird.

But NO, I couldn't get THAT lucky! Yesterday...the girls bring home this little masterpiece for me:

Yeah---it says "EAT YOUR BLUD"... Great!

So now I am thinking WONDERFUL, now she probably thinks we are a bunch of weirdo's and sacrifice animals and shit as I am positive she isn't a closet Twilover!

I would bet money the first thing she did after my kids left school yesterday was call someone to tattle on me. I can just hear the conversation now:

"CPS, How May I help you?"

"Yes, This is Mrs. Cob and we have an emergency!"

"Oh No, What is wrong?"

"I have two children in my class that are in mortal danger! Their mother is a vampire loving freak"

"Vampire you say? What type? The kind that burn to a crisp upon entering the sunlight, or the pretty sparkly kind"

"What do you mean? Are you telling me there are different kinds? And does it matter"

My only hope now is that the people at CPS are understanding and perhaps one of them fuckers has read the books and is just as obsessed as me....and appreciates good art when they see it!

Yeah-these pictures are getting framed!