Saturday, January 30, 2010

PUMAS IN THE BEDROOM DICKS WATCHING TV

We hope you are enjoying your weekend. Ms M and her husband are over watching basketball...ok, the boys are watching basketball-me and Ms M are hiding out in my room like a couple of 13 year olds watching videos of our favorite vamps...hoping the boys don't catch us!

Here is one of the videos that has me searching for batteries! Enjoy!

Friday, January 29, 2010

THAT BOY IS A MONSTER-BUT WE WOULD STILL LIKE TO DO NAUGHTY THINGS WITH HIM...REALLY NAUGHTY THINGS!

So I woke up this morning needing no further conformation that Sweet Little Baby Jesus did indeed hate my guts....the gawd damn schools got cancelled...a fucking Snow Day! W.T.F.!!!

So now I am stuck here with my kids plus one, and my husband decided to take the day off too....greeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaattt!

As I was wallowing in self pity I stumbled upon this: and boy did my outlook change. Today just got a whole lot better!

So What Monster would you chose? Or could you? Would you just like to be the meat in this sandwich?


I realize it is Fan Fic Friday...but with a house full of people I can't really be surfing the net for "porn"... So if any of you have some good suggestions, please add them to the comments!

xoxo
Ms. M

Thursday, January 28, 2010

FLYING PANTIES AND CLITS UP FOR ANTY


Good Morning! I finally found a day off -- so I'm out of the church for this post- which is good because I have a lot of rambling thoughts to share and going to hell doesn't sound so pleasant.

First, this morning I had to go to the grocery store. Let me share that I am not usually the person who will buy one of the magazines up front, but today I get to the check out and my panties flew off toward the stands. Yes I had to buy this weeks issue of TV Guide after I wrestled my underwear from the shelf as they were dry humping Ian's lovely face and screaming obscenities that had the check out gal blushing-and placed them back in my pants...Have you seen it?

It is yummy!

On to more ramblings...today Ms M and I both ordered our Twilight companion books. So it got me to thinking why hasn't Stephenie finished Midnight Sun. There are a lot of gaps in the books that having Edward's point of view on would be helpful...Let me say I would especially like to read Edward's point of view of the honeymoon. And it would be even better if it could be rated X and placed in the erotica section of Barnes and Noble. How many fucking copies of that book would she sell? Well, I would be willing to bet my own clit that it would outsell the original Breaking Dawn by a mile! Do I hear Best Seller? And if Ms. Meyer needs help with the lemons...I know SEVERAL ladies that could help her out! Ohh, that reminds me-some of my fan-fics have updated! Ms M-don't call me for a while...I'm going to be...um...busy cleaning...yeah, cleaning-that's what I will call it.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

THINGS THAT BETTER BE INCLUDED IN THE DVD EXTRA FOOTAGE

So, we all know the DVD is coming out March 20th (and if you didn't ... surprise! The DVD Comes out March 20th!!!) and you can start pre-ordering yours now. Target is offering the special 3 disc deluxe edition again (like they did with Twilight).

We have decided that there MUST be at least a couple things included:

First.... one word...NIPPLEGATE! We want a fucking explanation! I swear to Pete if someone doesn't explain why Edward's Nipple looked like it was in need of some Valtrex I am going to scream. Which if I may get on my soap box for just a moment....why hasn't anyone asked Chris Weitz this in any of his freaking interviews? I for one don't give a flying fuck-0-rama whether Rob and Kristen are fucking behind the Dairy Queen in Vancouver while filming...I want to know the important stuff...like what the fuck is up with Robs Man Nips! So THAT my bloggy friends better be included in the DVD.

Second... More Rob, Naked (without the hemorrhoidal nipple)..ok, I know we won't get to see "that", but maybe just more of the parking lot scene with Edward. That was yummy. And perhaps more kissy Rob...like the kissing montage in Twilight Special Edition DVD....that was eeehhhhhhxxxcelllent!

OK, now what is up with the DVD cover? Why do they keep changing it? Is this really the official one? It looks like Edward is giving Bella and Jacob a piggy back ride...and when did Bella turn into an Asian? ... just saying...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It's A Titillating Tuesday!

So we get the hint that:

1) You don't like us to poke fun at the precious. No matter how deserving we think it is - with his impression of Joaquin Phoenix.


and


2) The VD's don't really interest a bunch of you. OK...not "THAT" kind of VD...that doesn't interest us either...no matter who is on the giving end. We are quiet certain we wouldn't want to get flaming gonorrhea from ANYONE! (and a side note, I am not sure if gonorrhea really flames, I don't know what the symptoms are-and this is the one time I am NOT going google it to find out. That is not the thing I want on my computer's hard drive just in case Chris Hansen ever shows up with his jug of iced tea and takes my computer away for saying Taycob was hot or something.)

Anyway, where was I...all I can think about is itchy cooters and drippy dongs....oh yeah...what ya'll don't like so much---but the things we can't seem to help ourselves from talking about.

So we told you before this little site might talk about more than just Twilight...but it seems most of you just want to hear about that...so we decided to compromise (sort of)...whenever we decide to post about something other than the precious...we will at least throw in a picture of the precious...deal? Now I can't promise if Rob continues to look like Tom Hanks from Castaway that we won't say something about that....we are just hoping he is looking like that for a reason and NOT because he is trying out for the part of the Yeti at Disney World's Expedition Everest because THIS is the proper way to have facial hair:

OK, and for those of you that are into Ian and the VD...(not the type we discussed earlier) THIS video is for you:



Monday, January 25, 2010

RAWR! RAWR! AAHHH AHHH AHHHHH!

Here is what Rob SHOULD look like:





This is what Rob Should NOT look like:



Seriously folks did he just step out of Haiti? Did he fucking crawl out of the rubble and drag himself through the streets to jump in front of the cameras? A bath, a beard trimmer and/or a razor can go a long way sweetheart! Now don't get us wrong...Rob with a little bit of stubble can be quite tasty-but this full on Unabomber/Grizzly Adam's look...not working for us!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Fan Fic Friday!

Sooooo...what have ya'll been reading this week? I know a few of you are still getting through Emancipation Proclamtion and we don't blame you one bit---we know how long that lemon is (I think it is up to 66 chapters now).

We have been busy getting caught up on some of our favorites too (why do they always seem to update all at the same time?). But we did stumble across a new one for us...probably not some of you lovely perverts but it starts with Warmth by KatieBelleCullen...she is the same lovely girl who wrote the Wendy's Lemon the Twitard girls recommended a few days ago. If you haven't gotten a chance to read these...do it! Have we steered you wrong yet?
Here is the Author's Details for Warmth: The missing pieces of Bella and Edward's honeymoon. Please be warned, this story is lemony sweet!

So....charge up them....um...toys (do you charge them? Or just add new batteries? See....I told you I am a toy virgin)....and get to reading!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Date With A Vampire

Well, we are now just counting down the hours to our date with a Vampire...



Are you jealous?


Today has been a day from the rotten depths of hell, so we are hoping tonight will turn things around. There is no time for a real post now, the dh is home and for some weird reason expects some dinner? What the fuck?! LOL!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

HUMPING IT WITH A JASON STACKHOUSE RECAST?

OK-Before anyone has heart failure...NO they are not recasting Jason! But what if they did....


Ms M and I were in a "deep" discussion last night about Jason Stackhouse. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that all of our shows are on hiatus right now (We are waiting till Thursday for Vamp. Diaries, but we have to wait till June for True Blood and Eclipse...ugh). And we have been knee deep in fan-fic and needed a little "release" and True Blood is the next best thing to vampire porn in our eyes! Or perhaps it had something to do with Honolulu Girl's Post the other day about the Underappreciation of Jason - we totally agree with her: Jason is a very under appreciated character that we would all surely miss if he were gone...and Ryan is H.O.T. .... but....you know Ms M and I just can't leave things alone...no we have to add our own two cents...we have to add our "WHAT IF'S"....

WHAT IF: Ian (who also tried out for the part) had actually gotten the job... Or What if Rob did it...Can you picture Ian or Rob in the first season wearing only the modesty cloths on their meat sticks pounding away?!





We would venture to guess that if Ian or Rob were cast as Jason Stackhouse he would have been the MOST appreciated character on that show! And where as we LOVE us some True Blood, and we really do love Ryan....can you imagine how big the fan base would have been with Mr Pattinson in there? Oh sure, they would have had to air brush him on some abs like they did in the Voluturi scene (I'm sorry ladies, but we weren't fooled)-Or Mr. Somerhalder...holy shit! Our Clits would go into the witness protection program for sure!
But come on! Who wouldn't love it. It would be like all of our fan-fic fantasies coming true. AHHH--Girls can dream can't they?

(Note to Ms M, are you happy now...I actually made a fucking post? In the Church non the less! I promise I won't slack off anymore!!)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

As For Us and Our Site...We'll Be Humping Damon!

Like we mentioned when we moved to this little ol' site, we wanted to broaden our horizons and not just talk about Twilight. I know for some of you "Twilight" is the only reason you visit, and that is fine. So bear with us while we discuss something other than the "Precious"....

We were surfing the VD (gawd I really hate that abbreviation..LOL) site today and found this little poll where it proves no one gives a flying shit about Elena and Stefan...


Polls
What storyline are you most looking forward to when the series returns?
What happens between Elena and Damon (43%, 945 Votes)
What happens between Elena and Stefan (34%, 758 Votes)
The mystery of Katherine's tomb (8%, 179 Votes)
Flashbacks into the past (5%, 103 Votes)
Bonnie's progression as a witch (4%, 86 Votes)
Learning more about Alaric (2%, 46 Votes)
Tyler's strange behaviour (1%, 29 Votes)
Matt and Caroline's relationship (1%, 25 Votes)
Jeremy's possible new love interest (1%, 22 Votes)
Jenna and Alaric possibly hooking up (1%, 8 Votes)
Total Voters: 2,201


We just want to see Damon...and preferably naked. So Ms J and I started discussing the "whys"...why the fuck bomb didn't they just cast Ian as Damon? I mean really...if we are suppose to root for Elena and Stefan to be together...at least cast a Stefan we would want to root for-not some Dawson's Creek knock off.

I mean really without them even talking who would you bang?

This:



Or This:

Vampire #1 looks like he could knock your panties across the room by just eye fucking you...so you know you will be satisfied by the end of the night.


Vampire #2 looks like he might just be talking to you to get to your older brother..... (Sorry Dawson, I mean Stefan my brother isn't into dudes).


And just in case you missed Ian on Regis and Kelly yesterday here ya go:











Monday, January 18, 2010

New Moon Funny

We can't remember who sent this to us, but we have been laughing our asses off every since! Enjoy!


Saturday, January 16, 2010

"Everytime I See Your Face, I Get All Wet Between My Legs...."

We hope you are enjoying your weekend, and in most cases-y'all are getting a 3 day weekend. Where as that might excite some of you...some of US that have kiddos don't necessarily love it... "You mean I have to put up with my kids for 3 fucking days alone? Why do I pay for tuition for them to go to school? Mother Fuck!"
Anyway, if any of you are like us...and need a little "something" to get through this LONG ass weekend...here ya go:

"Everytime I see your face, I get all wet between my legs...."

Friday, January 15, 2010

It's Fan Fic Friday Inspiration/Recommendation Day...and YES, We'd Like To Fuck You Like An Animal Too!

We know most of you have read The Office, and while we personally don't picture K-Stew as Bella in our fan fic reading...We found this video to be HOT!




This weeks recommended FanFic is The Nanny. It is still a work in progress, but we like where it is progressing! We started reading it on a recommendation a while back, but when the author decided to take a break we hesitated to recommend it because we didn't want to leave you guys "hanging" either...but the author is back..and the story rocks!

AND.... just in case you didn't need the "Fan Fic" Inspiration...here is just some...well...drool worthy inspiration...better hold tight to your panties because they may unlock themselves from your body and throw themselves towards your computer screen on their own accord...... (and I wouldn't blame them!)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Oh My Fan Fic Edwards...You All Have One Thing In Common...

Besides the fact that I want to fuck each and every one them until they can no longer walk we discovered that all our fan fic Edwards have one thing is commong... The tats!

Whether it is the Beautiful Bastard, DomWard, MafiaWard, DoctorWard, NannyWard, or the obvious Tattward...they all got em' ... the tattoos!

So now we have to ponder...if Rob were to actually get a tattoo...what the fuck would it do to us? Would our vagina's just wave the white flag? Would our clits be posted on Milk Cartons around the country because they got frightened and skipped town? I don't know about you ladies but I would love to see it-I would be willing to sacrifice my lady bits to see Rob Inked up for real.


A cock ring would be good too, but I get it....one thing at a time.....

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Happy Hump Day!

We have felt like we have been neglecting one of our other favorite Vampires so this HUMP Day post is dedicated to the "other" man we'd like to be HUMPING!







Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Ding Dong! Oh Hello, CPS is That You?

For the past 11 months I have been waiting for the day Child Protective Services shows up at my door because I have been neglecting my motherly duties because of all my new...er... Twilight duties. Well, if it didn't happen before I am quite frightened it most certainly will happen now.

Let me give you a little back story...my little ones are in 1st grade this year and their teacher is a Stick-In-The-Mud, No Sense of Humor, Corn Cob Permanently Stuck Up Her Ass, Arthritic, Non Smiling (I'm not even sure she knows what the emotion of "happiness is") type of an educator....

So the day before Christmas break the girls bring home all their Christmas Crafts, and in the pile are the cards they made for me and dh. We each got separate cards. Dh's card is all cute with a little gingerbread man and they wrote "Merry Christmas Daddy, you are a good boy" "Ho Ho Ho"...blah blah blah... Mine however was this:


Yes, you are seeing that right...that is a Vampire Gingerbread man with blood dripping down his face and a picture of Edward beside it.

So I am thinking..."Shit!"...but ok, surely the teacher will just forget about it and think this was a one time occurrence and my kids are just weird.

But NO, I couldn't get THAT lucky! Yesterday...the girls bring home this little masterpiece for me:




Yeah---it says "EAT YOUR BLUD"... Great!

So now I am thinking WONDERFUL, now she probably thinks we are a bunch of weirdo's and sacrifice animals and shit as I am positive she isn't a closet Twilover!

I would bet money the first thing she did after my kids left school yesterday was call someone to tattle on me. I can just hear the conversation now:

"CPS, How May I help you?"

"Yes, This is Mrs. Cob and we have an emergency!"

"Oh No, What is wrong?"

"I have two children in my class that are in mortal danger! Their mother is a vampire loving freak"

"Vampire you say? What type? The kind that burn to a crisp upon entering the sunlight, or the pretty sparkly kind"

"What do you mean? Are you telling me there are different kinds? And does it matter"

My only hope now is that the people at CPS are understanding and perhaps one of them fuckers has read the books and is just as obsessed as me....and appreciates good art when they see it!

Yeah-these pictures are getting framed!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Rob...A Hot Mess? Why Sure!

So, in all honesty...Ms J and I have been busy all weekend reading fan-fic. And we still aren't caught up enough to present a proper post...so we present this to you and ask for your forgiveness:


Did it work? Are we out of the dog house? Or did we just dig ourselves further in a hole because now you are sitting there in soiled undergarments?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Escaping the Vampire? Why Would I Want to Escape the Vampire? I Really Want to Fuck One!

Especially if the vampire is say, RPattz or Ian Sommerhalder.

A new book has been published for teen girls by a Christian writer called Escaping the Vampire.

Here is the product description:
Every teen girl has a desire to be fought for, protected, and cherished---as reflected by the recent fascination with vampires! Filled with true stories, helpful advice, and the truth about Christ's unconditional love, Powers's guide will help young women battle life-draining issues---including abuse, depression, and perfectionism---and find fulfillment in the only Immortal Hero.


I wonder when they will come out with a book targeting us...the horny, thirty year old pre-cougar vampire loving women? What will the title be? "Jesus Loves You, now put down the laptop and the vibrating sparkly peen" :-) (Note from Ms M: Jesus is Not who I want sneaking into my bed at night and fucking me silly...sorry Captain J-you are a cool dude and all, I'm just not into harps and sandles. I am really tired of the Christian community sticking their noses into something they know NOTHING about...perhaps if they read the fucking books they wouldn't feel compeled to write such bullshit).



As I write this I am sitting in a church, if I get struck down by lightning...please don't let my DH know what I was doing at the time :-)



Friday, January 8, 2010

It's FF Friday!

Happy Fan Fic Friday!
This weeks recommended Fan Fic is Emancipation Proclamation ! Many of you may have already started reading this as we are pretty late to the Fan Fic Game. But if you haven't...you have got to! This one ranks right up there with The Office in our eyes!

Here is a little peak at what others think of Mr. Edward Cullen in E.P....Do we need to say (or show you) anything more to persuade you?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A Little Fan Fic Inspiration

Tomorrow is Fan-Fic Friday and we thought we would post a little Rob Inspiration for you guys....



Now get your panties changed and start sending in your reading lists!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Eclipse Leaked Script! Yeah, We Read It! (No Spoilers For You)

What part of the word "Spoiler Whores" didn't you understand? LOL!

So, we got our grimy little hands on the leaked Eclipse script this morning and read through it. And we are fucking excited! We would retract the evil rotten things we have said in the past about Melissa Rosenberg...but we still stand by our comments because of Twilight! But if this IS the script (and from our experience...the New Moon one we got our hands on was spot on)... I think she is listening to us and trying to stay closer to the books! Of course there are a few discrepancies...but I think that is to be expected when converting a book into a movie.

Anyway...we wanted to know...how many of you have gotten a hold of it and read through it like us? And what did you think?

And I am sorry, we will not be putting the link here...as I am pretty sure with the way Summit works I would be put in the pokey somewhere and I have no desire to become some one's bitch! Broomsticks hold no interest for me or my vagina.... I don't wanna be the new fish! So if you are wanting to read the script too....just google it, I am sure someone out there-braver than we are-has it available.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

So Long 2009...We Will Miss You!

The year in review…No List Style!

February 2009, what we thought was the worst day of our lives (when we both got laid off from our jobs) turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Ok Ok- we really miss our big paychecks….but would I trade in my Twilight love to go back in time and be back in the corporate world dealing with jackasses everyday…not a chance! And where as Ms J and I worked side-by-side everyday in our little cubie, and we got along great….we were not THIS close! I now consider her one of my very best friends-and we have Twilight to thank for that. There are times when I think…if we had found Twilight BEFORE we got escorted out of the building, work would have been a LOT more fun….of course-that probably would have led to us getting escorted out sooner than we did. We were actually the last people of our department to get it…before they completely shut down our job functions.

So back to where I was…February 2009, I know-we were behind the craze! That is when I picked up the first book-just to see what the fucking hype was all about….I remember my own daughter telling me not to do it…she said “Don’t do it mom, you will fall in love with Edward”…I told her to Fuck off (yeah my house is like an episode of the Sopranos) I wasn’t going to fall in love with a fictional vampire… um…I was wrong… about an hour into it I was like "Well Shit! I am in love with Volvo Driving Vampire"....I talked Ms J into seeing the movie with me a few days later-and the rest is history. It wasn’t until sometime in May that we thought it would be a grand idea to start a blog (our original Twisessed blog). It didn’t take long for “Hump” days to start...and the humping hasn't stopped since. Whether it is our little plastic dolls humping or Ms J and I humping our computer chairs while reading fan fic...there is plenty of crotch rubbing to go around in this place!

Then we started making TwiFriends! Yes! We consider everyone of you that follow us a friend! And you are some AMAAAAZING Gals (and possibly one dude). Most of you have your own blogs-and we can't start our own days without checking them out...ok-to be honest-since we don't have j.o.b.s. we check them out SEVERAL times a day...just waiting for you to update them.

And then we found other things "vampire" related (not just the sparkly peen) ...and fell in LOVE. We have Twilight to thank for that-because I don't think I would ever wanted to watch a "vampire" show before Twilight entered my world. But now...if the trailer says "vampire" I say "when is it on?" You know what I am talking about: True Blood and Vampire Diaries. We even got our DH's sucked (no pun intended) into True Blood (I think it might have been all the titties flying around-but whatever)....now we are free to drool over Vampire Eric (I am sorry all you Bill fans, he just doesn't do it for me) while our husbands are free to yell "Sookie is Mine". And where as Vampire Diaries might have started out a little cheesy and retarded....it brought us Damon-and for that I forgive them. And it actually has gotten good. I am now interested in the story and not just wondering when Damon will take his shirt off next.

And lastly let's not forget the FanFic! And to think...a year ago we were just a couple of prudes with potty mouths! Neither of us had ever even read a single "erotic" romance novel. Hell one of us didn't even read per say... Not that "that" person COULDN'T read...she just was busy doing other things. Now we spend hours a day reading about all the "Naughty" Edwards....and at night...the dh's may/or may not be benefiting from said reading. But seriously-who knew there were so many talented people out there who could/and would write this stuff for our benefit (for free).... You ladies definitely deserve a muffin basket because you Rock Our World! ... (pun is indeed intended there! LOL)

So now you have our No List year in review...Where will we go in 2010? We aren't sure, but we are excited to share this Twilight journey with you guys! With the DVD release of New Moon and Eclipse hitting the big screen, this year looks to be just as eventful as the last. Of course we vowed to keep our Twi-hymens in place for Eclipse, but after watching New Moon, we realized it didn't really matter that we watched all the teasers and leaks leading up to the big night...we were still just as excited and the movie was still as good. And REALLY had we not prepared ourselves for certain parts (the kissing in Volturi, No Silver Volvo, The WolfPack Reveal, No Tears for the Break Up, and the Volturi "fight") we might have been more upset...but we had time--time BEFORE the movie to be upset and we were prepared for it the night of the premier. So we actually went into the movie thinking it was going to blow big ass donkey shits.... and came out surprised at ourselves that we liked it! We fully believe it had everything to do with the preparation of all the things they changed that would have otherwise pissed us off (more so than it already did)...so in saying all of that...bring on the teasers, the leaks, and pictures....everything you got...we are SOOO going to be Eclipse Whores! We WILL NOT be posting them here though...because we know some of you want to stay pure and we wish you luck with that. Meanwhile-bring on the penicillin bitches-cause WE are going to need it!

Anyway....we hope you will stick around and let's see where 2010 takes us!