Saturday, January 30, 2010
PUMAS IN THE BEDROOM DICKS WATCHING TV
Friday, January 29, 2010
THAT BOY IS A MONSTER-BUT WE WOULD STILL LIKE TO DO NAUGHTY THINGS WITH HIM...REALLY NAUGHTY THINGS!
So now I am stuck here with my kids plus one, and my husband decided to take the day off too....greeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaattt!
As I was wallowing in self pity I stumbled upon this: and boy did my outlook change. Today just got a whole lot better!
So What Monster would you chose? Or could you? Would you just like to be the meat in this sandwich?
I realize it is Fan Fic Friday...but with a house full of people I can't really be surfing the net for "porn"... So if any of you have some good suggestions, please add them to the comments!
xoxo
Ms. M
Thursday, January 28, 2010
FLYING PANTIES AND CLITS UP FOR ANTY
On to more ramblings...today Ms M and I both ordered our Twilight companion books. So it got me to thinking why hasn't Stephenie finished Midnight Sun. There are a lot of gaps in the books that having Edward's point of view on would be helpful...Let me say I would especially like to read Edward's point of view of the honeymoon. And it would be even better if it could be rated X and placed in the erotica section of Barnes and Noble. How many fucking copies of that book would she sell? Well, I would be willing to bet my own clit that it would outsell the original Breaking Dawn by a mile! Do I hear Best Seller? And if Ms. Meyer needs help with the lemons...I know SEVERAL ladies that could help her out! Ohh, that reminds me-some of my fan-fics have updated! Ms M-don't call me for a while...I'm going to be...um...busy cleaning...yeah, cleaning-that's what I will call it.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
THINGS THAT BETTER BE INCLUDED IN THE DVD EXTRA FOOTAGE
We have decided that there MUST be at least a couple things included:
First.... one word...NIPPLEGATE! We want a fucking explanation! I swear to Pete if someone doesn't explain why Edward's Nipple looked like it was in need of some Valtrex I am going to scream. Which if I may get on my soap box for just a moment....why hasn't anyone asked Chris Weitz this in any of his freaking interviews? I for one don't give a flying fuck-0-rama whether Rob and Kristen are fucking behind the Dairy Queen in Vancouver while filming...I want to know the important stuff...like what the fuck is up with Robs Man Nips! So THAT my bloggy friends better be included in the DVD.
Second... More Rob, Naked (without the hemorrhoidal nipple)..ok, I know we won't get to see "that", but maybe just more of the parking lot scene with Edward. That was yummy. And perhaps more kissy Rob...like the kissing montage in Twilight Special Edition DVD....that was eeehhhhhhxxxcelllent!
OK, now what is up with the DVD cover? Why do they keep changing it? Is this really the official one? It looks like Edward is giving Bella and Jacob a piggy back ride...and when did Bella turn into an Asian? ... just saying...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
It's A Titillating Tuesday!
1) You don't like us to poke fun at the precious. No matter how deserving we think it is - with his impression of Joaquin Phoenix.
and
2) The VD's don't really interest a bunch of you. OK...not "THAT" kind of VD...that doesn't interest us either...no matter who is on the giving end. We are quiet certain we wouldn't want to get flaming gonorrhea from ANYONE! (and a side note, I am not sure if gonorrhea really flames, I don't know what the symptoms are-and this is the one time I am NOT going google it to find out. That is not the thing I want on my computer's hard drive just in case Chris Hansen ever shows up with his jug of iced tea and takes my computer away for saying Taycob was hot or something.)
Anyway, where was I...all I can think about is itchy cooters and drippy dongs....oh yeah...what ya'll don't like so much---but the things we can't seem to help ourselves from talking about.
So we told you before this little site might talk about more than just Twilight...but it seems most of you just want to hear about that...so we decided to compromise (sort of)...whenever we decide to post about something other than the precious...we will at least throw in a picture of the precious...deal? Now I can't promise if Rob continues to look like Tom Hanks from Castaway that we won't say something about that....we are just hoping he is looking like that for a reason and NOT because he is trying out for the part of the Yeti at Disney World's Expedition Everest because THIS is the proper way to have facial hair:
OK, and for those of you that are into Ian and the VD...(not the type we discussed earlier) THIS video is for you:
Monday, January 25, 2010
RAWR! RAWR! AAHHH AHHH AHHHHH!
This is what Rob Should NOT look like:
Seriously folks did he just step out of Haiti? Did he fucking crawl out of the rubble and drag himself through the streets to jump in front of the cameras? A bath, a beard trimmer and/or a razor can go a long way sweetheart! Now don't get us wrong...Rob with a little bit of stubble can be quite tasty-but this full on Unabomber/Grizzly Adam's look...not working for us!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Fan Fic Friday!
So....charge up them....um...toys (do you charge them? Or just add new batteries? See....I told you I am a toy virgin)....and get to reading!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Date With A Vampire
Are you jealous?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
HUMPING IT WITH A JASON STACKHOUSE RECAST?
(Note to Ms M, are you happy now...I actually made a fucking post? In the Church non the less! I promise I won't slack off anymore!!)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
As For Us and Our Site...We'll Be Humping Damon!
We were surfing the VD (gawd I really hate that abbreviation..LOL) site today and found this little poll where it proves no one gives a flying shit about Elena and Stefan...
Polls
What storyline are you most looking forward to when the series returns?
What happens between Elena and Damon (43%, 945 Votes)
What happens between Elena and Stefan (34%, 758 Votes)
The mystery of Katherine's tomb (8%, 179 Votes)
Flashbacks into the past (5%, 103 Votes)
Bonnie's progression as a witch (4%, 86 Votes)
Learning more about Alaric (2%, 46 Votes)
Tyler's strange behaviour (1%, 29 Votes)
Matt and Caroline's relationship (1%, 25 Votes)
Jeremy's possible new love interest (1%, 22 Votes)
Jenna and Alaric possibly hooking up (1%, 8 Votes)
Total Voters: 2,201
We just want to see Damon...and preferably naked. So Ms J and I started discussing the "whys"...why the fuck bomb didn't they just cast Ian as Damon? I mean really...if we are suppose to root for Elena and Stefan to be together...at least cast a Stefan we would want to root for-not some Dawson's Creek knock off.
I mean really without them even talking who would you bang?
This:
Or This:
Vampire #1 looks like he could knock your panties across the room by just eye fucking you...so you know you will be satisfied by the end of the night.
And just in case you missed Ian on Regis and Kelly yesterday here ya go:
Monday, January 18, 2010
New Moon Funny
Saturday, January 16, 2010
"Everytime I See Your Face, I Get All Wet Between My Legs...."
Anyway, if any of you are like us...and need a little "something" to get through this LONG ass weekend...here ya go:
Friday, January 15, 2010
It's Fan Fic Friday Inspiration/Recommendation Day...and YES, We'd Like To Fuck You Like An Animal Too!
This weeks recommended FanFic is The Nanny. It is still a work in progress, but we like where it is progressing! We started reading it on a recommendation a while back, but when the author decided to take a break we hesitated to recommend it because we didn't want to leave you guys "hanging" either...but the author is back..and the story rocks!
AND.... just in case you didn't need the "Fan Fic" Inspiration...here is just some...well...drool worthy inspiration...better hold tight to your panties because they may unlock themselves from your body and throw themselves towards your computer screen on their own accord...... (and I wouldn't blame them!)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Oh My Fan Fic Edwards...You All Have One Thing In Common...
Whether it is the Beautiful Bastard, DomWard, MafiaWard, DoctorWard, NannyWard, or the obvious Tattward...they all got em' ... the tattoos!
So now we have to ponder...if Rob were to actually get a tattoo...what the fuck would it do to us? Would our vagina's just wave the white flag? Would our clits be posted on Milk Cartons around the country because they got frightened and skipped town? I don't know about you ladies but I would love to see it-I would be willing to sacrifice my lady bits to see Rob Inked up for real.
A cock ring would be good too, but I get it....one thing at a time.....
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Ding Dong! Oh Hello, CPS is That You?
Yes, you are seeing that right...that is a Vampire Gingerbread man with blood dripping down his face and a picture of Edward beside it.
So I am thinking..."Shit!"...but ok, surely the teacher will just forget about it and think this was a one time occurrence and my kids are just weird.
But NO, I couldn't get THAT lucky! Yesterday...the girls bring home this little masterpiece for me:
Yeah---it says "EAT YOUR BLUD"... Great!
So now I am thinking WONDERFUL, now she probably thinks we are a bunch of weirdo's and sacrifice animals and shit as I am positive she isn't a closet Twilover!
I would bet money the first thing she did after my kids left school yesterday was call someone to tattle on me. I can just hear the conversation now:
"CPS, How May I help you?"
"Yes, This is Mrs. Cob and we have an emergency!"
"Oh No, What is wrong?"
"I have two children in my class that are in mortal danger! Their mother is a vampire loving freak"
"Vampire you say? What type? The kind that burn to a crisp upon entering the sunlight, or the pretty sparkly kind"
"What do you mean? Are you telling me there are different kinds? And does it matter"
My only hope now is that the people at CPS are understanding and perhaps one of them fuckers has read the books and is just as obsessed as me....and appreciates good art when they see it!
Yeah-these pictures are getting framed!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Rob...A Hot Mess? Why Sure!
Did it work? Are we out of the dog house? Or did we just dig ourselves further in a hole because now you are sitting there in soiled undergarments?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Escaping the Vampire? Why Would I Want to Escape the Vampire? I Really Want to Fuck One!
A new book has been published for teen girls by a Christian writer called Escaping the Vampire.
Here is the product description:
Every teen girl has a desire to be fought for, protected, and cherished---as reflected by the recent fascination with vampires! Filled with true stories, helpful advice, and the truth about Christ's unconditional love, Powers's guide will help young women battle life-draining issues---including abuse, depression, and perfectionism---and find fulfillment in the only Immortal Hero.
Friday, January 8, 2010
It's FF Friday!
Here is a little peak at what others think of Mr. Edward Cullen in E.P....Do we need to say (or show you) anything more to persuade you?
Thursday, January 7, 2010
A Little Fan Fic Inspiration
Now get your panties changed and start sending in your reading lists!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Eclipse Leaked Script! Yeah, We Read It! (No Spoilers For You)
So, we got our grimy little hands on the leaked Eclipse script this morning and read through it. And we are fucking excited! We would retract the evil rotten things we have said in the past about Melissa Rosenberg...but we still stand by our comments because of Twilight! But if this IS the script (and from our experience...the New Moon one we got our hands on was spot on)... I think she is listening to us and trying to stay closer to the books! Of course there are a few discrepancies...but I think that is to be expected when converting a book into a movie.
Anyway...we wanted to know...how many of you have gotten a hold of it and read through it like us? And what did you think?
And I am sorry, we will not be putting the link here...as I am pretty sure with the way Summit works I would be put in the pokey somewhere and I have no desire to become some one's bitch! Broomsticks hold no interest for me or my vagina.... I don't wanna be the new fish! So if you are wanting to read the script too....just google it, I am sure someone out there-braver than we are-has it available.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
So Long 2009...We Will Miss You!
February 2009, what we thought was the worst day of our lives (when we both got laid off from our jobs) turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Ok Ok- we really miss our big paychecks….but would I trade in my Twilight love to go back in time and be back in the corporate world dealing with jackasses everyday…not a chance! And where as Ms J and I worked side-by-side everyday in our little cubie, and we got along great….we were not THIS close! I now consider her one of my very best friends-and we have Twilight to thank for that. There are times when I think…if we had found Twilight BEFORE we got escorted out of the building, work would have been a LOT more fun….of course-that probably would have led to us getting escorted out sooner than we did. We were actually the last people of our department to get it…before they completely shut down our job functions.
So back to where I was…February 2009, I know-we were behind the craze! That is when I picked up the first book-just to see what the fucking hype was all about….I remember my own daughter telling me not to do it…she said “Don’t do it mom, you will fall in love with Edward”…I told her to Fuck off (yeah my house is like an episode of the Sopranos) I wasn’t going to fall in love with a fictional vampire… um…I was wrong… about an hour into it I was like "Well Shit! I am in love with Volvo Driving Vampire"....I talked Ms J into seeing the movie with me a few days later-and the rest is history. It wasn’t until sometime in May that we thought it would be a grand idea to start a blog (our original Twisessed blog). It didn’t take long for “Hump” days to start...and the humping hasn't stopped since. Whether it is our little plastic dolls humping or Ms J and I humping our computer chairs while reading fan fic...there is plenty of crotch rubbing to go around in this place!
Then we started making TwiFriends! Yes! We consider everyone of you that follow us a friend! And you are some AMAAAAZING Gals (and possibly one dude). Most of you have your own blogs-and we can't start our own days without checking them out...ok-to be honest-since we don't have j.o.b.s. we check them out SEVERAL times a day...just waiting for you to update them.
And then we found other things "vampire" related (not just the sparkly peen) ...and fell in LOVE. We have Twilight to thank for that-because I don't think I would ever wanted to watch a "vampire" show before Twilight entered my world. But now...if the trailer says "vampire" I say "when is it on?" You know what I am talking about: True Blood and Vampire Diaries. We even got our DH's sucked (no pun intended) into True Blood (I think it might have been all the titties flying around-but whatever)....now we are free to drool over Vampire Eric (I am sorry all you Bill fans, he just doesn't do it for me) while our husbands are free to yell "Sookie is Mine". And where as Vampire Diaries might have started out a little cheesy and retarded....it brought us Damon-and for that I forgive them. And it actually has gotten good. I am now interested in the story and not just wondering when Damon will take his shirt off next.
And lastly let's not forget the FanFic! And to think...a year ago we were just a couple of prudes with potty mouths! Neither of us had ever even read a single "erotic" romance novel. Hell one of us didn't even read per say... Not that "that" person COULDN'T read...she just was busy doing other things. Now we spend hours a day reading about all the "Naughty" Edwards....and at night...the dh's may/or may not be benefiting from said reading. But seriously-who knew there were so many talented people out there who could/and would write this stuff for our benefit (for free).... You ladies definitely deserve a muffin basket because you Rock Our World! ... (pun is indeed intended there! LOL)
So now you have our No List year in review...Where will we go in 2010? We aren't sure, but we are excited to share this Twilight journey with you guys! With the DVD release of New Moon and Eclipse hitting the big screen, this year looks to be just as eventful as the last. Of course we vowed to keep our Twi-hymens in place for Eclipse, but after watching New Moon, we realized it didn't really matter that we watched all the teasers and leaks leading up to the big night...we were still just as excited and the movie was still as good. And REALLY had we not prepared ourselves for certain parts (the kissing in Volturi, No Silver Volvo, The WolfPack Reveal, No Tears for the Break Up, and the Volturi "fight") we might have been more upset...but we had time--time BEFORE the movie to be upset and we were prepared for it the night of the premier. So we actually went into the movie thinking it was going to blow big ass donkey shits.... and came out surprised at ourselves that we liked it! We fully believe it had everything to do with the preparation of all the things they changed that would have otherwise pissed us off (more so than it already did)...so in saying all of that...bring on the teasers, the leaks, and pictures....everything you got...we are SOOO going to be Eclipse Whores! We WILL NOT be posting them here though...because we know some of you want to stay pure and we wish you luck with that. Meanwhile-bring on the penicillin bitches-cause WE are going to need it!
Anyway....we hope you will stick around and let's see where 2010 takes us!