Damn You Blue Shirt Straight to HELL!!

So once again we have been cockblocked by a blue shirt...ok, cockblocked perhaps isn't the right word since we do indeed have vaginas-but you get the point.

Ms J and I were so excited to hear our beloved Dr. Chase, errrr Jesse (I'd love to lick that) Spencer, was on a new TV show-Chicago Fire.  We were really looking forward to some nice shirtless fireman scenes with Lt. Matthew Casey.  "Oh Mr. Casey I think I am on fire....." and with the promotional tour we were sure to see just that, right?   NOPE!  It was like The Lucky One part 2. 

Instead of this:



We got this:

It reminded us of this:
When all we wanted was THIS: 

 

 

 

We are still holding out hope for the show tonight, perhaps that blasted blue shirt will finally meet it's firey death!  We can dream right! 

 

xoxo

Ms M

Am I pregnant with Renessme?

This post below was found in our DRAFT archives....  I dedicate this to MS J, as it is coming up on her EP (shout out to Khar) baby's 2nd birthday! 

So ya'll know I'm pregnant, and I'm nearing the end. Unfortunately, not soon enough. I was just diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Basically it sucks! I have lots of mood swings, I have to eat a special diet and test my blood sugar four times a day. But here are few thoughts that might make it better...

I keep hoping each time I prick my finger Edward or Damon (preferably Mr. Ian Somerhalder) will smell my blood and chase me down and have their way with me. LOL! Maybe that is a beginning of a fanfic I could write. Not sure what we would do with the whole pregnancy thing in the fanfic, though, not too sexy- LOL!

Another thought I had tonight is that I have to eat more protein and less carbs. I'm thinking of pretending I'm Taylor Lautner and carrying meat patties around all the time. Maybe once the baby is born I'll come out of it with a six pack.

Somebody call 911 E.L.'s Pants are on FIRE!

Liar Liar Pants on Fire.......

I have heard more fiction on the Katie show today than I did in all the years reading FAN FICTION. 

"EL..Who did you base your character on"...."...I plead the 5th"...

UM HELLO...My name is Edward Cullen...

Just own it Bitch!!  Really, if you just OWNED it we wouldn't be so angry about it! 

Geesh!


The End

Ms J and  Ms M

Butt plugs and Magic Mike? Midnite ramblings of Ms J

As I finish off two glasses of wine, I think 'Shit' or 'Shittah' if you've been listening to 50 Shades on Audible.com, What the fuck is up with Butt Plugs? I hear fan fic writers talk about stretching in and such... but uh... I don't get it. I have a few friends who actually use those (for the record neither ms m or myself have used such devises). Here's the deal - in the fanfic they describe them as stretching the hole to prepare it for um, usually Edward's monster cock...ok, ladies, in reality do you want your butt hole stretched? (this is what I am pondering at 12:43 ( I repeat- after drinking two glasses of wine). Not to sound mean, but Ms M and I do not want to have that part stretched, enlarged or for that matter - entered in anyway, shape or form. Exit only please! We might start sounding like another blog that seems to only write when they are excreting from their nether regions. (Readers--- sorry to disappoint but we will not be letting you know all about our bowel movements... if you like that kind of thing send us a PM and we'll hook you up with a link to a great blog about bowel movements)


So, I'm off my soap box about butt plugs, please write in to us if you have a different opinion - I would enjoy to know what the purpose truly is - maybe ms m and I aren't 'getting it'. LOL -


On to happier thoughts... Tudors is now on Amazon :-) I can now listen to Henry Cavill banging while I work on mail merges at work :-) Now Amazon just needs to get Vampire Diaries...


This is when I usually try to think of what pics to supply for this blog post... ugh! I don't want to Google butt plugs so instead I will leave you with a YouTube video of 'Magic Mike' -- which Ms M says she's only going to for the 'articles'







So Ms M wanted me to add a pic she found the other day... um, not sure how she found it or why? but it fits with our theme :-)

A Little Writing Inspiration..."Oh Mr. Henry..."

This video gets us EVERY FLIPPIN' TIME! 

xoxo
Ms M

Ellen Reads Fanfiction!

Holy Shittah!  This might have made the audiobook bearable...LOL!!

Magic Mike...Thud

You have something you want to stick me with? Well go ahead sir-I don't mind!

Fifty Shades of Audio Shittiness

So you may have heard about my new shitastic job. No, it isn't for the CIA as Ms J referred. I feel more like I am going to prison every day. No internet, no radio, no phone, my cell phone has no coverage so I can't even rely on it for the latest on the Twatter or Facebook. Hell, the world could crumble around me and I wouldn't find out until 5pm. All this for an engineering job-and no, not the kind that drives a train-I think they even get radio for fucks sake.

Anyway-I am entering my third week in this crap-ass job and every day I sit pondering how I could end it all. Hang myself from the rafters. Gouge my brains out with my mouse. Throw myself down the elevator shaft. So today in a sad, sad attempt to cheer me up Ms. J sent me a free copy of the Book turned to Fanfic turned book on audiobook (did you follow that?). Now normally I wouldn't condone stealing an "artists" work...but in this case I feel like I already paid the artist for the original work (aka: Stephenie Meyer). I mean seriously...I have kept my mouth shut on this issue for a while because I didn't feel I knew all the facts...but after listening to this "book" I can truly say it IS a total rip off of Twilight...Hell, she even uses quotes from Twilight...Now don't get me wrong...I have said this before-I worship some of the authors out there that write awesome fanfic-they are so talented and it is unbelievable that they share that talent with the rest of us Fo' Free!!! I even don't mind reading a FAN FIC that happens to have some Twilight quotes in it, but for the love of God if you are going to "rewrite" your fic don't just do a find and replace with just the names but leave everything else the fucking same. You can't leave quotes directly from the Twilight series in your book and call it original...my English Professor would agree with me-that is Plagiarism and that would earn you a big fat F!

"You left the bodies but you only moved the headstones! You
only moved the headstones!"

Now I realize this "work of art" is NOT suppose to be a comedy...but I find myself curled in a ball laughing at this Selena Gomez sounding chick as she tries to sound...uuuuhh...sexy? and her Edward..I mean...errr...Christian Black...Blue...Green..Oh yeah..Grey..voice just about kills me..it sounds like a 75 year old pedophile.
 

                                                   Want some Candy Little Girl?

The first "sex" scene was hysterical...I had to pause it several times because the chick reading it was all "OOHHH" "AAHHH"ing like I was listening to a bad 1-900 number sex call. And don't get me started on Jacob/Jose...really? Jo'FuckingSe? She makes him sound like an illegal immigrant who has just jumped the boarder.

But those things weren't even the tip of what is wrong with this audio fanfiction...I mean book.

Firstly, how many times can you use the same adjectives to describe the same thing before it gets old. For fucks sake lady invest in a thesauruses! "My Medulla Oblongata...My Medulla Oblongata...My Medulla Oblongata" Good Fucking God! I get it!! Incidentally...correct me if I am wrong-but doesn't that portion of your brain control your breathing, heart rate and vomiting, not so much your "thinking"...oh wait! I think I am going to vomit if I have to listen to any more of this shit!

How many times do we have to hear about how clean Edward is...I mean is this a problem in this lady's normal everyday life? Is her husband a filthy slob so she feels compelled to write about "clean" men? When I read a book about a guy who is suppose to be rich and hot...I sort of just assume he occasionally takes a shower as well (am I wrong here??). Also, every time she describes Edward's...damn it-I did it again! CHRISTIAN'S... fingers and how fucking looooonnnng they are and how long his legs are all I can picture is a Praying Mantis waiting to devour me.

Want to me meet me in my Red Room of Pain?

Now my "Inner Goddess" is staring at me over her half moon spectacles and telling me that I probably should have kept my opinions to myself, but I am telling her to fuck off-no one reads this blog any way and she's all "Holy Shittah you are right! You are such a loser Ms M! Maybe next time you fly too close to the sun you should let it suck you right in".

xoxo

Ms M

Why #50 Shades? Why not #Sempre?

Ms M and I were having a discussion about why some of our other favorite fanfics couldn't be turned into movies. We love, love, love Emancipation Proclamation aka Sempre! Personally, I would love to see EP as a movie! Peter Facinelli as Cullen mafia dad would be super yummy- The story has a great plot and character development. It also touches your heart and does more than just get your panties wet. 


I was hoping with the publicity of  50 Shades that it would bring to light the other published fanfiction. I guess we will wait and see. Maybe we should all tweet to eonline and EW to make our point known. God knows Khar deserves a movie deal too! 


Who would we cast in EP/Sempre? Ugh! I'm sure young Hollywood could supply 2 good actors to be E and B. And for us older ladies-- some great scenes with Peter and other 'mafia' members. Dare I say, Ian Somerhalder :-) Channing Tatum... I wonder if Khar has anyone in mind who could play the parts. 


The thing is EP/Sempre would draw in both men/women with the drama of the mafia and then the loving relationship of E and B. 


Damn if, as news outlets are reporting, KStew is looking into starring in the part of Ana in 50 Shades, maybe she could do EP/Sempre also. Her and RPattz could just keep making fanfics... 


Other fan fics that we wouldn't mind seeing turned into movies include: The Office (Ian Somerhalder = Beautiful Bastard); The Submissive trilogy (which I actually could get into a lot more than MOTU/50 Shades); Hockeyward (This could be a great romantic comedy) 


Ladies, please get your screenplays ready! 

Ms M, A Little Henry to Cheer You Up

So now Ms M has reentered the work world this week and unfortunately she is secluded from all of the outside communications. Seriously-- no cell phone access, no internet, and her phone is monitored. You would think she worked for the Secret Service. I'm home today because the kiddo is sick-- so I'm taking the time to watch Green Lantern. Not really watching it for content- just for almost nude moments of Ryan Reynolds. But to my disappoint there has only been one of those so far. 


But I digress- I'm actually wanted to discuss the hot topic of who will play Christian and Ana in the movie version of 50 Shades. 


The gross comments (from my opinion anyway) are Dakota Fanning or Selena Gomez as Ana. Eww! Great suggestions for Christian included: Henry Cavill. Yes, Yes, Yes! Um, you've seen his ads for Dunhill Black, right? Extra Yummy! I would be submissive to that! But do I want him flogging Selena or Dakota! NO! I'm not sure who would fit the girl role. Dare I say myself or Ms M? LOL! Yes, we are too old, but a girl can dream! 


And to seal my nomination for Henry Cavill as Christian Grey--- here is a video that I will Ms M could watch at work to cheer her up-

Popular Culture? Yes Please!

After trolling some other blogs in our "age" group we began to wonder-when did it become taboo to enjoy the things that were popular or considered fads?

It seems as though in an attempt to be cool you can't like anything that "is" cool at the moment.

I guess that makes us extremely nerdy around these parts of the woods because we LOVE popular culture!! And when I say we LOVE it...I mean we FUCKING LOVE it!!

As for music: We love listening to the top 40 stations. Ms J knows every word to the Jay-Z song he wrote for Blue Ivy (Glory) and when I hear an Adele song I can't help myself but to turn it up. Are we rocking out to some Fun "We Are Young"? YES we are!!

As for TV: Where do we start? Do we love The Vampire Diaries? DUH! How about the Secret Circle..yup! Revenge? Yes Yes! American Horror Story, Walking Dead, The Voice, American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, The Soup, House, True Blood, Supernatural, The Soup, Flipping Out, Interior Therapy, Hoarders, Storage Wars (YUUUP!), Storage Wars Texas (Bring It!!), My Crazy Obsession, My 600 lb life, Celebrity Rehab, along with every fucking talk show there is...Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yeeeeeeeeessssssss!

We live for it all!!

Don't get us started on Movies...we love those too! Redbox is our BFF! and Tuesdays are the best day of the week!

I think it all started when we were kids. My grandma and Ms J's mom were both Soap Opera JUNKIES and instead of getting to watch Sesame Street or Kaleidoscope like all the other kids our age we were watching Bo and Hope get it on and Sami Brady whip up her newest scheme with Lucas to break up Carrie and Austin. We will still turn on DOOL every now and then just to get a glimpse of EJ naked...YUM!

Along with being Soap Junkies, our "parents" were also Celebrity Gossip Whores...We had access to every magazine available: The National Enquirer, People, Star...oh sure we knew most of the shit in there was....well...shit, but we ate that "shit" up! We knew by the 3rd time they said Janet Jackson was going to have alien baby twins and she didn't - that the stuff was BS-but it was still fun. Still today when waiting in the doctors office if I am given the choice between National Geographic and People....I choose PEOPLE! Every FUCKING time!

As for fashion: We enjoy pretty shoes and things that make us feel like girls. Just because Bella Swan pulled off looking like a thrift store lesbian in Twilight and still got "the guy" doesn't mean it works in real life.

What we really don't understand about all these sites taking a "stand" against Pop Culture is just by having a "Twilight" Blog...you have already succumb to it...you can't have it both ways. Especially considering Twilight has been one of the biggest Pop Culture phenomenons in the last 10 years.

We are not saying you can't have your own style...perhaps ya'll don't feel comfortable shopping in the juniors department, perhaps dresses and heals aren't your thing. Each his/her own!! Our point here is why make others feel bad for liking the "Popular" stuff.

Now I gotta go--I have a DVR that is 87% Full....

xoxo

Ms M

Thanks, Entertainment Weekly, NOT!

So a few weeks ago, Dr. Drew and the Today show found out about 50 Shades...but my husband was already at work that day and doesn't have time in the mornings to really watch-- but the crew over at Entertainment Weekly had to publish a review, a full fuckin' page review, and detail how it was related Twilight fanfiction.

Here's the problem- I don't know if your husband or significant other knows your naughty little (or in some cases not so little) lemony reading habit. Mine does not, neither does Ms M's. Which leads them to wonder why Ms M's fantasy football team is the "Lemonheads" :-)

My husband knows that people write other stories using Twilight characters called fanfiction. Ms M's husband thinks she reads 'free stories' online.

Bottom line: We don't want them to put this all together that us reading 'fanfiction' or 'free stories' equals us reading lots of lemony bits of Edward and Bella.

Why you ask do we not want them to know? Maybe they would think, "Eww that's gross!" or "Great! What's in that story we can try?" or last but not least, "So reading about Edward make you horny?"

Over here at the Lemon Society, we would like to ask you: does your SO or DH know? Does he approve?

Hypnotizing Thursday

Just in case you needed a little somethin'-somethin' to get you through the rest of your work week:



Or perhaps you just need to be "Entertained"



Aaaannnnd you are welcome!

xoxo
ms m

51 Shades

The other day we noticed a link on Twitter with a parody to 50 Shades of Grey called 51 Shades and we had to read it. Holy Poopsicle sticks ladies, this is some funny shit! It is a WIP with the following statement:

"New episodes posted every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, until a publisher hands me a fat stack of Benjamins and offers to publish it. Then I'll take it down, change the characters' names to "Edward" and "Bella," and hide from my fans in my new McMansion in a gated community in Beverly Hills."

If ya'll have AAANNNYYY sense of humor at all...you have G.O.T. to read this. We were crying we were laughing so hard.

Here is the Link: 51 Shades

xoxo

Ms M

Hello Sweethearts...

Some days I get worried that I will forever leave an imprint of my ass on the couch... and this is totally one of those days. I seriously haven't moved all fucking day (except to take a shower this morning). It's a wonder I don't weigh 500 pounds and have my own reality show.

Anyway....you might ask what I have been doing all day... reading fanfic or being an active member of the "Book Club" as JME and I call it.

Today I was consumed with this little gem: Time of Your Life by MidnightLove87. It's a work in progress but the author sometimes updates several times a day. The chapters are short and sweet and the story moves really fast....oh and there are L.E.M.O.N.S.! Always a favorite around here.

So, if you are running short on new things to read, or just in between updates on your other favorite stories...give it a try! You will be squirming on your sofa just like me!

xoxo
MS M

Monday Blues? We Have The Cure!

Is Monday sucking the life out of you? Are you wanting to stab a co-worker in the head with a rusty railroad tie?

Well, we might have something to cheer you up for about 3 minutes and 52 seconds...and maybe even more if you put this on REPEAT!





By the way...Could March 15th just hurry up and get here?



xoxo MS M

Dr. Drew ... 50 Shades ... Opinions ... Oh My!!

Well, the fandom was in an uproar today wasn't it? And what would the world have come to if we didn't have an opinion on the matter?

Soooooooooooooo...here goes........

We are sort of torn... First off, one of us loved the story the first time she read it-then she read it again and couldn't get over the fact that the author used the phrase "and that was my undoing" describing Edwards smell about fifty million times. If only my husband could sent me into a multiple orgasmic epileptic episode by just smelling good....but digress.

Second, another one of us couldn't get into the story because of all the British slang. The story was suppose to be set in Washington or Oregon or some shit like that, but yet there was a shit ton of European words to describe things. Makes. No. Sense.

Third, all of us here had already read Tara Sue Me's epic fanfic The Submissive (and The Dominant, and The Training) which were all very well written and researched. It even made us consider the idea of getting flogged (just saying! I mean ya'll can keep the nipple clamps, but the little whip with the tassels on the end...with Edward holding it...hmmmm....). And I am sorry but MOTU just didn't stand up to The Submissive when it came to well written BDSM.

Now it may seem like we are just on a Fifty Bash-We assure you we are not. I even think The Good Doctor could learn a trick or two from Fan Fiction (trust me Dr. Drew-your wife would LOVE it...go ahead...rip her panties off!!).

We just feel sort of ripped off that out of ALL the fanfictions out there...THIS was the one to make headlines. Not The Office with all its panty ripping glory, not EP with his message about slavery and sacrifice, not Tattward, or Hockeyward, or Footballward, or Professorward (x2), or Nerdward, or Daddyward, or Doctorward...(ya'll know we could go on..right?) ...

Or perhaps we don't want our secrets out there...What would Dr. Drew say if he knew that MOTU...err I mean 50 Shades is mild compared to some of the stuff we read.

xoxo

Ms M

PS-Just so everyone understands - we are in no way trying to BASH any author here. It isn't like we could have written anything that was even 1/4 as good as some of the stuff that is out there!

No Thanks Ryan Seacrest!

If you have been listening to the top 40 radio station lately you might have noticed that they are running a nationwide contest where you can "Live Like Rihanna".
UM...really? Ya know, this is one contest where I can HONESTLY say I wouldn't want any part of....I mean when they run things like-"call in now and win front row tickets to Taylor Swift" I think.."Ugh! I'd rather shove nails in lady town"...but with THIS contest you might actually get nails shoved in the lil' misses!!

Have people forgotten what that nut fungus Chris Brown did to her? I mean-she sure has! But I haven't forgotten this picture:


And by no means do I want to "Live Like Rihanna" for the weekend...let alone a day, or even an hour.

So, no thank you Ryan Seacrest and your band of tree elves, I think I will pass on this one.

xoxo
Ms M

It's HUMP Day Hookers!

It is hump day-so you know what that means!! Yeah-Yeah, it's been a while!

These pictures were actually taken the night of the BD release party at Target. I am surprised we didn't get our asses kicked out!

E & B Doing a little "Humping" in the Ladies Lingerie

All that "Humping" led to other issues... (Ms J and I were singing the "Havin' My Baby" song while we set this picture up)

And all that "Humping" can make a Hooker really tired

We hope you are all enjoying your Wednesday and perhaps you get a special "hump" or two thrown your way today as well.

Don't forget Hunger Games tickets went on sale TODAY!!!

We will be back to a regularly scheduled posting schedule tomorrow...with Ms J and her snarky self!

U Haul Should Give Us a Discount!

Yep- we moved again. This time it wasn't because someones "kid" found us..it was for a variety of reasons.

First: We sort of hated the old blog name from the get go but felt rushed to find one when we moved last time.

Second: And probably the most important reason...another blogger kept stealing our stuff...yeah I know we copy and paste a LOT of pictures and videos but this blog was actually using our MATERIAL... like our words, ideas, etc... it was like we would write something and two days later this site would have the same stuff...like the SAME stuff... it got O.L.D. fast ...

So here we are moved again...we packed up our mini dolls, our tubs of lube, and all of our porn and brought it along. Hopefully we can stay here for a while. Actually, that being said...if this "blogger" finds us here and decides to steal again....we will be forced to call them out on their own bullshit! Just Sayin' :)

xoxo

MS M

HOLY VD ON A STICK!

Yesterday I was introduced to the new Entertainment Weekly pictures of TVD cast...HOLY J-Titties!!!

I quickly called Ms J and told her she should take a peak, then more pictures emerged and I never heard from her again. I can only imagine what she was doing (and I am not judging you-Hooker)!!

So the plan was to post a few of the yumtacular pictures here this morning (after a cold shower), but before I could get around to doing just that, THIS VIDEO came out....The BEHIND THE SCENES VIDEO SHOOT .....OH MY GOD!!!!

For more exclusive pictures click HERE...but be warned...you will be just about as productive (or NON productive) as Ms J was after she viewed them.

xoxo

ms m

The Great Wall of...Vagina?

So a few weeks ago someone sent us a link to this ...exhibition... (I think perhaps it was listed on The Bloggess' website). At first we were like What. The. Fuck! and is that an Arby's sandwich in lower right corner?

Then upon further investigation we found that YOU can make your OWN wall of Pussy for your house too! Just what you needed for over the fireplace isn't it!! And you thought you were just coming here to read about Vampires and Dick jokes...you didn't know you would be get decorating advice as well did you? BONUS!!

Finally...how often have you been at work, on your way to the break room carrying your same ole depressing coffee cup and you start thinking to yourself "I wish I had a more fashionable coffee mug that truly expressed my personality and let others know what kind of person I REALLY am, instead I am stuck with this lousy coffee cup with cats all over it that my mother in law gave me for my birthday 5 years ago". WELL--Here is the Cup for YOU!!!
We Present to you THE GREAT WALL OF VAGINA COFFEE MUG!!! Who wouldn't want to put their lips (hee-hee) all over that!!!


Now if you are really bored you can go to the official Great Wall of Vagina website and browse the gallery, watch the videos....YES! We said Videos, and perhaps pick up a souvenir or two.

xoxo

ms m

I'm A Woman In Love And I Love What It's Doing To Me

Last night the Hillywood gang released their long awaited Breaking Dawn video and we nearly pissed our pants!! The part where Bella is dying and singing "I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doing to me" about killed us!!




So what was your favorite part?

Sure, Let Me Bleed All Over Your Face...Cause That's Sexy...NOT!

There will come a time in your life when you will learn not to ask how something could be worse, because trust me-EVERYTHING can be worse!

Like you might think: "What could be worse than having a boogie in my nose during a job interview?"...well...it could be worse by it flying out of your nose and hitting the interviewer in the face. OR you might think "What could be worse than passing gas in the middle of this meeting?"...again...it could be worse if that gas was followed by a liquid substance.

Also-just about anything could be made worse if there was a giant jellyfish shoved up your ass--case in point: What could be worse than tripping up the stairs and breaking the heal off your favorite shoe? Having a Giant Jellyfish Shoved up your ass at the same time of course!!

Last night as I was lurking around on Twitter I came across this atrocity that came with the caption "Love Vampires? Have a heavy flow? Then this is the reusable feminine napkin for you!":

And here I thought the Robert Pattinson Panties were the worst that could happen. Quite frankly I don't know what concerns me more, the fact that you are smearing your bloody lady bits all over this absorbent vampire, or that it is REUSABLE!!! What. The. Fuck.

Just for the record I did Google the thing just to see how much it was...I mean..it would would go perfectly with the Bloodrain Tampons right?

Here are the details:

An extra long version of the Goddess pad, measuring at a whopping 16 inches long it's surely to be the only pad you'll need for your heaviest overnight flows or after childbirth.The inner core consists of two layers of flannel sandwiching two layers of terry cloth and backed with the softest matching black fleece. There have matching black poly resin snaps with two snap settings for a more personal adjustment.This listing is for one XL Goddess/Postpartum Pad in the "Sexy Vampire" print. $12.00

I loved the comment left by one of the users:

"I think most women feel pretty hot after childbirth, so it’s about time they get something sexy to bleed on for a week and a half. And let me tell you, this hunky vampire really gets you tingling down there! Although that could just be the episiotomy."

xoxo and Happy Shopping!

Ms M

Tonight I'm Doing WHAT? Well...Alllrighty Then!

So it's Thursday and that would normally mean a new Vampire Diaries...aka: a reason to break out a package of batteries and a ShamWow...but sadly they are skipping this week. They aren't even giving us a re-run to watch (AssFuckers!)

BUT!!!!

Don't fret ladies...we have your Damon Fix right here:

Somebody's Getting Naked

Yeah, well, I had planned on typing a blog update today..but then my fingers went numb...I don't know why...



xoxo
Ms M

Breaking Bella *NSFW*

Before you scroll down be warned this post is NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK...unless you work in a porn shop...and if that is the case feel free to print this baby out and hang it on your walls...




No amount of bleach will ever erase this from my memory:

I don't remember who sent this around on Twitter last night (MandysMind maybe?)...all I know is after I viewed this piece of photographic "art" I was forever scarred.

I also noted that Jacob was going in for the #2 hole...which sort of goes with our post from the other day right?!! LOL!

Well, I don't think any I have any witty comments that can compete with that - that IS Breaking Bella...so I will end this post now.

x0x0

Ms. M

WARNING: I'm A Warlock Rockstar From Mars!

This morning Ms J had sent me an message asking when exactly we started our blogging experience... since a lot of our posts are now missing (I think some of them didn't make it over from the original blog)...so I started looking back and one of the posts I ran across was this one...asking about a "Pattinson Pal" ..... That got me thinking (which is probably NOT a good thing this early in the morning) I wonder if anyone has gotten around to making such a device. I mean it has been 3 freaking years so surely SOMEONE has done it by now, right? WRONG!

What I did find while Googling my little heart out was this:




So, we can get a "Winning Love Doll" but no "Cullen Clit Teaser"? Life is no fair...


We can also get a Tiger Woods doll...although I don't see the point of this. I mean why buy a blow up doll of Tiger when you could have the real thing...won't he do just about anyone?

Finally I came across this...(NO PUN INTENDED)...

So, we can get a Miley Doll with 3, count them THREE Achey Love Holes...but still no Rpatz (Edward Cullen)....

What has this society come to? Besides a 30 something mom looking for sex dolls at 6:30 on a Thursday morning....

xoxo

Ms M

Why Twilight Is Popular

We are back from the Black Out!

And while we were in the dark Ms J found some time to send in some bloggie material...Ms J does some of her best work in the dark....j/s

While stumbling around she found this little video that explains "Why Twilight Is Popular":

While we agree with most of this we thought we might add our own 2 cents: because what would this blog be without our jackass comments... so here goes...

They forgot about Jacob... Every girl DREAMS of having a gay best friend right? Someone they can go shopping with, maybe he can fix her hair, and then they can sit around and watch gay teenage angsty movies/tv shows together....Enter Jacob...aka: Mr. Scary Story. Oh sure Taylor Lautner might not (or might....) be gay in real life but the way he delivered that line "Really it's just like an old scary story" was gayer than anything MY hairdresser has ever said to me...ever.

The Author can try to make this character less gay by making this said Gay friend stink like a dog and run around in cut off shorts...but we all know what's up:

xoxo

MS. M (for Ms J)

PS....Before ya'll start sending in the hate mail...we realize the People magazine was a hoax...and Taylor has not said he is Gay.... yet

You Taste Just Like Glitter Mixed with Rock and Roll....

I was going to try and find a video today for Ms. J-she is having a shit filled week (yeah I know it's only Tuesday)-but she just recently went back to work and to say she hates it would be an understatement. I know his willy is all wonky but I was going to try and find a video of her love: Josh D. .. but instead I found something we might ALL enjoy...well...except for the weird dude on the roller coaster at the end...WTF is that..OH Well-the rest of this sort of makes up for it:

Enjoy-and have your Sham Wows handy:

Jared Leto Made My Panties Disappear!

So I today I had a post all ready about how I felt like such a teenage girl with all my teenage obsessions...

I was ready to write about how it wasn't enough to be obsessed with all things Twilight and Vampire Diaries. NOOOOOOooooo! Now I have to add Witches into the mix.

It started out innocently enough - they show The Secret Circle after Vampire Diaries and what do I have to do that is better that plant my lazy ass in front of the TV? So I started watching. It was/is corny...but (this is where I feel like a teenage girl) the guys are sort of hot..ok, one guy in particular. The Adam character, who is played by Thomas Dekker...who if I did my math right-I could probably have birthed him (ok, I don't think I had my period yet in 1987, but still, stranger things have happened).

See, he is extra yummy...and I am extra inappropriate...so it all works!

But as I am researching stuff for this post (about the Secret Circle) and how I ended up buying the book for my Kindle...etc... I thought-I really need some "mood" music, so I went to Youtube to pull up my "go-to" band for blogging....and after watching one of their videos...a Thirty Seconds to Mars video came up on the side...the "Bury Me"...well, I love me some Jared Leto so I decided to watch that too...THEN this music video for their song "Hurricane" came up. It stated that it was "censored" and my first thought was "Holy Jesus Titties-they have an UNCENSORED video out there with Jared Leto? I have GOT to find THIS!!!". ... AAaaannnd I did! Oh My G.O.D. people!! Have you seen this?

It is basically The Submission/The Dominant in video form...

I don't really understand the whole premise of the video or the song because every time Jared Leto started blindfolding/gagging/spanking/licking/handcuffing/banging the one chick I lost all my other senses. I think I went deaf, quit breathing, at one point I had to pause the video and go put on more deodorant because I was working up a sweat, and I am pretty sure my heart stopped beating for a few seconds there. Plus the sound quality of the song sucked...it kept cutting in and out..so I muted it after a while.

But if any of you need a 20 minute break in your day...or want Jared Leto to do a magic trick on your panties like he did mine...here it is:

The Cure For a Headache You Ask? An Massive Orgasm in Your Eyeballs of Course!

So today I was laying down trying to get this fucking headache from the retched depths of hell to disperse...when what should appear in front of my eyeballs? No, I am not talking about the Buzz Cut heard 'round the world...I am talking about THIS my fair ladies:

Holy Fucking Orgasmic Hell!! Yes, that is Channing Tatum and Alex Pedophile ERRR I mean Pettyfer (although I do feel sort of like Chris Hansen AND his mistress are going to show up at my house with their jug of iced tea when I get all moist staring at him)...

Anyway..I digress...

I guess they are going to be in sort of cinematic porn, there I go again... I mean MOVIE.. called "Magic Mike", and I am certain that is some sort of euphemism for their "Magic Penises" since this movie is about them being male strippers and all (just sayin').

What does all this mean for me...well-my headache is gone. My eyeballs are still in that post orgasmic shock...and I am getting me and Ms J some movie tickets...Girls night out Bitches!!!

xoxo
MS M

Vagina Costumes? A Fan Fic Rant?

What the ever lovin' EFF are these? Ok, I am not that stupid, I get that they are actually suppose to be pussies-but WTF!!??!! And is that suppose to be a tampon sticking out of the last lady hole?

I really have no words...except maybe-HEY MS J...I think I found a costume for your next office fundraiser.

Ok on to more related things (not that we keep with an ongoing theme here or anything)

FanFic: Here is my Love/Hate relationship with it and why.

I love it because, well, it is all naughty and takes my beloved straight laced Edward and makes him bad ass. Most of the stories I love he has some sort of ink going on, he likes to have angry wall sex, and he cusses (a fucking lot), plus he has a monster schlong (that never hurts anything in my book-well except if it were real life and it were coming at my lil' lady...that might hurt..at first...and after...maybe...perhaps I could get used to it...just sayin')...really the list goes on (sort of like Edwards massive love stick).

Now for what I hate:

I HATE waiting for updates. Not only because I am an impatient twat but because I start to worry after a while...what if the author got hit by a bus? And then because I am also a selfish cuntwaffle I think..."Well Damn! If she got hit by a bus, what if she never finishes the story, holy shit! What if she is dead? Mother F! If she went and died and left this story right at a cliffie I am going to be so fucking pissed!"

This is about the time I start checking all the reviews to try to find "clues" as to why said author isn't updating their FREE stuff (yes I get it people! These wonderful authors do this stuff for us in their spare time for FREE out the generosity of their fucking hearts). Then when the reviews give me no clues because it is just cluttered with other people begging for updates too...I am left checking every hour or so for days for updates and wondering whhhhyyyyyyyy? I am not going to resort to writing and begging too...I mean, what is the point. It isn't like they are going to be like "Oh LOOK, Ms M wrote so I guess I will go ahead and hit the update button. I have been just sitting here ignoring all these other bitches sending me private messages and reviews begging for updates, but since Ms M wants one..."

It is then that I decide I will never again read a "work in progress"-yeah I say this every time.

Do any of you worry about your favorite fanfic authors like we do? If so what do you do?

Fan Fic Porno on Youtube?

Our New Years resolution..Blog More... Um...yeah..we suck!

We did come across this "porno" on Youtube this morning and thought to ourselves..."selves...Someone has GOT to write a FanFic about this shit"...and then we thought, really-I think who ever made these Dunhill commericials was reading Fan Fic already.




I really hope this new Superman movie doesn't blow monkey balls! And Clark gets naked and shows just how "man of steely" he is.