Let me start by saying...confessing really... I do not own a piece of sexual machinery, I have never tried any battery powered / or manual devises in the yonder regions...I don't know why. Maybe it is the fear of it exploding in mid use and me in the emergency room trying to explain the smoke and burn marks coming out my vertical smile. Perhaps it is because I have met some of the women who have "outted" themselves as Dildo Connoisseurs and they frightened me. Some of them kept Big Rubber Wieners in special pillow cases so their significant others won't find them. Others had super secret compartments in their luggage so they could smuggle them into the airports and eventually their in-laws house undetected....which REEEAALLLYY...the last thing I am thinking about at the in-laws is Sex - of any sort. Yeah, Maybe DEATH... I might be plotting theirs, I might be planning my own.... but fiddling with my own skittle...NOT! So as I was saying...these women have NO SHAME! Hell, I think I met one or two where I used to work that kept a few stashed in their desk drawers. At least that would explain a lot... Anyway...Plastic Dings just aren't my thing. BUUUUT..I was mildly curious as to what was out there. You know if the right sex toy came along, I might be interested.
So I began to search...did you know...You can get an Obama dildo appropriately named "Head O State"...? What the HELL?? I like that it is the Commemorative Edition...LOL!
So OF COURSE I had to look for Edward Cullen Dildo's ... I mean come on people if they can make Obama...they can make Rpatz!!
This was the only Sad Sad Sad thing I could find...you can take your mini E and slip a condom over the top and slip it right on into your peach.
OUCH!!! and No Thanks!!
I would need a case of this Vampire Merlot before I would even consider it!
So thus far...No blow up Mr. Cullen, No Big Rubber Mr. Cullen Boner, but you can get a wiener made out the President.
OMG Vamp wine!!?? I need this. Where can you find this stuff?? Hah!! I get this mental image of me drinking this wine with frilly wrist cuffs and pinkies out. Think, Interview with a Vamp...
ReplyDeleteNo seriously, I need this. I don't even drink. But it would look cool on a shelf. :)
You are fucking hilarious! And I'd most certainly shove my mini Edward up there before I stuffed the president in my twat!! Holy fuck!
ReplyDeleteokay so I am scrolling through your posts and i am starting to notice a..."trend" of sorts... weiner cars, blow-up dolls with blow-up bits and pieces, weiner dogs, peen-y rocket pops, snow-dongs, dildos... lol! i have to admit that i am impressed that there's that much dick-related stuff that can possibly be twilight-related [tips hat, applauds]!
ReplyDeleteyou kill me! and yet i am relieved that the pic showing up on our blogroll is of vamp wine and NOT that insane faux wang...
: )
Dildos are gross...now a vibrating mini E, right up my ally.
ReplyDeleteYou know, they make a Hello Kitty vibe, why not an Edward one too. Anything is possible.
ReplyDeleteOh, I've seen Winnie the Pooh vibes too. That's kinda creepers.
HAHa that Obama schlong is GROSS!
ReplyDeleteFunny that I was researching this very topic today and I came up empty handed too so I had to post my own fake Edward vibrator. While I do not have the same aversion to using ummmm "marital aids" as you, I do agree that needing to use one in public or at the in-law's house is gag inducing.
BTW, my mini-E is going nowhere near my peach. He has really pointy parts!