Tonight I'm Doing WHAT? Well...Alllrighty Then!

So it's Thursday and that would normally mean a new Vampire Diaries...aka: a reason to break out a package of batteries and a ShamWow...but sadly they are skipping this week. They aren't even giving us a re-run to watch (AssFuckers!)

BUT!!!!

Don't fret ladies...we have your Damon Fix right here:

Somebody's Getting Naked

Yeah, well, I had planned on typing a blog update today..but then my fingers went numb...I don't know why...



xoxo
Ms M

Breaking Bella *NSFW*

Before you scroll down be warned this post is NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK...unless you work in a porn shop...and if that is the case feel free to print this baby out and hang it on your walls...




No amount of bleach will ever erase this from my memory:

I don't remember who sent this around on Twitter last night (MandysMind maybe?)...all I know is after I viewed this piece of photographic "art" I was forever scarred.

I also noted that Jacob was going in for the #2 hole...which sort of goes with our post from the other day right?!! LOL!

Well, I don't think any I have any witty comments that can compete with that - that IS Breaking Bella...so I will end this post now.

x0x0

Ms. M

WARNING: I'm A Warlock Rockstar From Mars!

This morning Ms J had sent me an message asking when exactly we started our blogging experience... since a lot of our posts are now missing (I think some of them didn't make it over from the original blog)...so I started looking back and one of the posts I ran across was this one...asking about a "Pattinson Pal" ..... That got me thinking (which is probably NOT a good thing this early in the morning) I wonder if anyone has gotten around to making such a device. I mean it has been 3 freaking years so surely SOMEONE has done it by now, right? WRONG!

What I did find while Googling my little heart out was this:




So, we can get a "Winning Love Doll" but no "Cullen Clit Teaser"? Life is no fair...


We can also get a Tiger Woods doll...although I don't see the point of this. I mean why buy a blow up doll of Tiger when you could have the real thing...won't he do just about anyone?

Finally I came across this...(NO PUN INTENDED)...

So, we can get a Miley Doll with 3, count them THREE Achey Love Holes...but still no Rpatz (Edward Cullen)....

What has this society come to? Besides a 30 something mom looking for sex dolls at 6:30 on a Thursday morning....

xoxo

Ms M

Why Twilight Is Popular

We are back from the Black Out!

And while we were in the dark Ms J found some time to send in some bloggie material...Ms J does some of her best work in the dark....j/s

While stumbling around she found this little video that explains "Why Twilight Is Popular":

While we agree with most of this we thought we might add our own 2 cents: because what would this blog be without our jackass comments... so here goes...

They forgot about Jacob... Every girl DREAMS of having a gay best friend right? Someone they can go shopping with, maybe he can fix her hair, and then they can sit around and watch gay teenage angsty movies/tv shows together....Enter Jacob...aka: Mr. Scary Story. Oh sure Taylor Lautner might not (or might....) be gay in real life but the way he delivered that line "Really it's just like an old scary story" was gayer than anything MY hairdresser has ever said to me...ever.

The Author can try to make this character less gay by making this said Gay friend stink like a dog and run around in cut off shorts...but we all know what's up:

xoxo

MS. M (for Ms J)

PS....Before ya'll start sending in the hate mail...we realize the People magazine was a hoax...and Taylor has not said he is Gay.... yet

You Taste Just Like Glitter Mixed with Rock and Roll....

I was going to try and find a video today for Ms. J-she is having a shit filled week (yeah I know it's only Tuesday)-but she just recently went back to work and to say she hates it would be an understatement. I know his willy is all wonky but I was going to try and find a video of her love: Josh D. .. but instead I found something we might ALL enjoy...well...except for the weird dude on the roller coaster at the end...WTF is that..OH Well-the rest of this sort of makes up for it:

Enjoy-and have your Sham Wows handy:

Jared Leto Made My Panties Disappear!

So I today I had a post all ready about how I felt like such a teenage girl with all my teenage obsessions...

I was ready to write about how it wasn't enough to be obsessed with all things Twilight and Vampire Diaries. NOOOOOOooooo! Now I have to add Witches into the mix.

It started out innocently enough - they show The Secret Circle after Vampire Diaries and what do I have to do that is better that plant my lazy ass in front of the TV? So I started watching. It was/is corny...but (this is where I feel like a teenage girl) the guys are sort of hot..ok, one guy in particular. The Adam character, who is played by Thomas Dekker...who if I did my math right-I could probably have birthed him (ok, I don't think I had my period yet in 1987, but still, stranger things have happened).

See, he is extra yummy...and I am extra inappropriate...so it all works!

But as I am researching stuff for this post (about the Secret Circle) and how I ended up buying the book for my Kindle...etc... I thought-I really need some "mood" music, so I went to Youtube to pull up my "go-to" band for blogging....and after watching one of their videos...a Thirty Seconds to Mars video came up on the side...the "Bury Me"...well, I love me some Jared Leto so I decided to watch that too...THEN this music video for their song "Hurricane" came up. It stated that it was "censored" and my first thought was "Holy Jesus Titties-they have an UNCENSORED video out there with Jared Leto? I have GOT to find THIS!!!". ... AAaaannnd I did! Oh My G.O.D. people!! Have you seen this?

It is basically The Submission/The Dominant in video form...

I don't really understand the whole premise of the video or the song because every time Jared Leto started blindfolding/gagging/spanking/licking/handcuffing/banging the one chick I lost all my other senses. I think I went deaf, quit breathing, at one point I had to pause the video and go put on more deodorant because I was working up a sweat, and I am pretty sure my heart stopped beating for a few seconds there. Plus the sound quality of the song sucked...it kept cutting in and out..so I muted it after a while.

But if any of you need a 20 minute break in your day...or want Jared Leto to do a magic trick on your panties like he did mine...here it is:

The Cure For a Headache You Ask? An Massive Orgasm in Your Eyeballs of Course!

So today I was laying down trying to get this fucking headache from the retched depths of hell to disperse...when what should appear in front of my eyeballs? No, I am not talking about the Buzz Cut heard 'round the world...I am talking about THIS my fair ladies:

Holy Fucking Orgasmic Hell!! Yes, that is Channing Tatum and Alex Pedophile ERRR I mean Pettyfer (although I do feel sort of like Chris Hansen AND his mistress are going to show up at my house with their jug of iced tea when I get all moist staring at him)...

Anyway..I digress...

I guess they are going to be in sort of cinematic porn, there I go again... I mean MOVIE.. called "Magic Mike", and I am certain that is some sort of euphemism for their "Magic Penises" since this movie is about them being male strippers and all (just sayin').

What does all this mean for me...well-my headache is gone. My eyeballs are still in that post orgasmic shock...and I am getting me and Ms J some movie tickets...Girls night out Bitches!!!

xoxo
MS M

Vagina Costumes? A Fan Fic Rant?

What the ever lovin' EFF are these? Ok, I am not that stupid, I get that they are actually suppose to be pussies-but WTF!!??!! And is that suppose to be a tampon sticking out of the last lady hole?

I really have no words...except maybe-HEY MS J...I think I found a costume for your next office fundraiser.

Ok on to more related things (not that we keep with an ongoing theme here or anything)

FanFic: Here is my Love/Hate relationship with it and why.

I love it because, well, it is all naughty and takes my beloved straight laced Edward and makes him bad ass. Most of the stories I love he has some sort of ink going on, he likes to have angry wall sex, and he cusses (a fucking lot), plus he has a monster schlong (that never hurts anything in my book-well except if it were real life and it were coming at my lil' lady...that might hurt..at first...and after...maybe...perhaps I could get used to it...just sayin')...really the list goes on (sort of like Edwards massive love stick).

Now for what I hate:

I HATE waiting for updates. Not only because I am an impatient twat but because I start to worry after a while...what if the author got hit by a bus? And then because I am also a selfish cuntwaffle I think..."Well Damn! If she got hit by a bus, what if she never finishes the story, holy shit! What if she is dead? Mother F! If she went and died and left this story right at a cliffie I am going to be so fucking pissed!"

This is about the time I start checking all the reviews to try to find "clues" as to why said author isn't updating their FREE stuff (yes I get it people! These wonderful authors do this stuff for us in their spare time for FREE out the generosity of their fucking hearts). Then when the reviews give me no clues because it is just cluttered with other people begging for updates too...I am left checking every hour or so for days for updates and wondering whhhhyyyyyyyy? I am not going to resort to writing and begging too...I mean, what is the point. It isn't like they are going to be like "Oh LOOK, Ms M wrote so I guess I will go ahead and hit the update button. I have been just sitting here ignoring all these other bitches sending me private messages and reviews begging for updates, but since Ms M wants one..."

It is then that I decide I will never again read a "work in progress"-yeah I say this every time.

Do any of you worry about your favorite fanfic authors like we do? If so what do you do?

Fan Fic Porno on Youtube?

Our New Years resolution..Blog More... Um...yeah..we suck!

We did come across this "porno" on Youtube this morning and thought to ourselves..."selves...Someone has GOT to write a FanFic about this shit"...and then we thought, really-I think who ever made these Dunhill commericials was reading Fan Fic already.




I really hope this new Superman movie doesn't blow monkey balls! And Clark gets naked and shows just how "man of steely" he is.