I know several of you have been wondering who is this person staying at Ms M's house. Ms M is legally unable to say anything about her guest until later this month. However, I am allowed to talk about it.
Her houseguest (HG) is a foreign exchange student. It has been a long year. From the moment, she stepped off the plane, the HG started eating. Eating everything, especially cereal. She eats so much freakin' cereal that Ms M's daughter has to find a place to hide her box, so the HG doesn't eat all of it. And when Ms M cooks dinner...she has to double her recipe to feed the HG. By now, HG could either mean house guest or huge guest.
One time I went over to Ms M's for dinner with my family. Ms M can make a mean ass cheeseball...and that night she didn't disappoint. While I was standing there putting the mouthwatering masterpiece on my plate HG came over and hip-chucked me out of the way to get herself some. She fucking HIP CHUCKED my ass! Then when dinner was served she started growling behind us to get to the food...like a rabid fucking dog or some shit. AAANNNDD then the giant piece of shit started fucking FARTING at the table..F.A.R.T.I.N.G!! It smelled like barnyard feces whafting around while we were trying to eat. I thought my husband was going to get sick right there on his plate!
Thankfully for Ms M and her family, the HG is returning to her family very soon. Until then I'll be more than happy to share anything you want to know about HG :o)
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OK..so I think the question we all have is..WTF country is this Neanderthal Helga from? And what did she have to exchange? I would surely not be able to be gracious for 6 months..unless I was heavily medicated.
ReplyDelete**Disclaimer** If your name is Helga, I am not implying you are ancient or savage in any way..it's just I imagine this woman to have a viking helmet on & grunt alot..
wv: waityl
Waityl you hear what I caught Helga doing with my Pocket Edward.
I second the above comment.
ReplyDeleteI will stay tuned for the next installment of 'The misadventures of Miss M and the Huge Guest from hell.'
xoxo
E
Oh. My. Gawd.
ReplyDeleteSlap a giant sticker on her huge ass that says "RETURN TO SENDER" and sit her on the treelawn under the mailbox. Taped over her mouth is an invoice for the ridiculous cost of feeding her and the counseling session you guys are going to need.