All right, we have gotten that out of the way: I have to tell ya'll my story of the week: Yesterday morning began like normal until I walked out of my bedroom and started toward the other side of the house to get something out of the guest bathroom....when I got to the dining room I found my "house guest" fondling her tits. My first thought was "Please don't masturbate in my dining room, we fucking eat in here for Christ's sake"... well when she saw me she quit...so I carried on my merry way to get what I was after in the other bathroom. By the time I started back towards my room she had left for the day so I didn't have to see her again... Once I got to work I (of course) had to tell EVERYONE about the incident in my dining room. I was in some serious need of "disinfectant" advice.
The rest of my morning went pretty much as usual until I took my regular afternoon trip to the bathroom to take a picture of my cooter to send to the hubs (that ALWAYS puts him in a good mood, and seeing how it was Friday, I knew I was just guaranteeing a good weekend). That is when I found it.... as I was deleting my beaver picture out of my phone I found a GIANT TIT in my pictures...taken Friday morning... and it WASN'T MINE!!
It took me a second to connect all the pieces together..."Holy fuck balls dangling off the cross-my guest wasn't masturbating after all...she was taking pictures of her ginormous boob with my phone...SHIT BALLS...I need to disinfect my phone now..."
Why the hell would someone do that? Did she think I would like it? At least it wasn't her cooter!
I know some of you may be asking...How is this Twilight related? Or even Vampire related? Well it's not-but if you replace the tit in this picture with an apple it might be.....
xoxo
Ms M (who is now dealing with a "happy" hubby, damaged retina's, and is in need of a new phone!)
I must know more!!! Now!!!
ReplyDeleteLike, who is this "house guest"???
Relative? Friend? Hooker?
Does she have any other borderline psychotic tendencies? WTMF happened the next time you saw her?
Do you really send beaver shots to your man? (bloody brilliant idea)
I need answers...and an eel.
xoxo
E
ummm. . . she just happened to have the cat mask handy?
ReplyDeletei second smarte. u cant just tell us the tip of the story!
ReplyDeleteI'm with E..what kind of freaks do you have sleepin at your house? (if you say your sis-in law or someone related, I think I'll pee myself slightly) Beyond awkward.
ReplyDeleteDrunken events like these are totally acceptable-but during daylight? Total rehab intervention
Be careful with the Beav shots..don't wanna drop your phone in the water..I've heard that can happen..jus sayin
Your retinas can thank gawd she wasn't bangin herself (with or without your phone)
wv: miarge "My 'arge titties look awesome on yer phone"
This is the most random post and it's fucking hilarious!
ReplyDelete1) I just accidentally looked at giant (feline) boobs at work.
2) I giggled at how happy it would make my hubby if I started such a lunchtime routine.
3) Ditto to all the others who want more details!