Get Back Here Little M-We Will Have Some "Alone" Time Later...

So, where have we been? Locked in the back of a porn shop with dildos sticking out our asses you say.... well, no-actually that might be more fun than the living hell we have been living for the last few months. Ms J is about ready to pop--and she is on a "special diet"...and no-not Edward's kind...that would be more fun. And me...I have been stuck in work/hell. I sit there everyday wondering how much trouble I would get into if I just started blogging from my desk...but with them tracking every single key we are hitting on our keyboards I am pretty sure they would show up with my box faster than I could finish typing the word "Jizz Gobler" and walk my happy ass right on out the door (and I have to hang on until at least October so I can get unemployment again..LOL). I have thought about smuggling my laptop into work so I could at least get these little blogs typed out and then just hit the "Post" key when I got home...and actually I may just start doing that soon, we are going way toooo long between posting...I am not even sure we have any readers left out there....crickadee crickadee crickadee....

So what brings me to the Twidom today you ask....well I got my issue of EW...and I needed a mop and bucket to clean up the glorious mess I made! I am sure you all know what I am talking about and don't need me repeating it. And to be honest...I am sure there are probably a lot of pissed off people out there more that willing to stab me in the head with a knife for rubbing it in...so I won't (too terribly bad that is).... Damon Won!! eeerrr...Ian Won!!! Holy FuckBalls Ladies!!! Don't get me wrong...I love me some Damon...but how the fuck did that happen? Was it because all the Twifans are in school now and couldn't make it a computer to vote.....or was it because they weren't paying attention to this little competition? Whatever the case may be I couldn't believe my eyes when I read it and my vagina about flew out of her safe harbor and landed on the magazine sitting in front of me. I reigned her back in with the promise of some "alone" time with the magazine later after the hubs goes to bed...wink wink wink... and really what better cover is there...Rob and Ian both on the cover...if only Mr. Skarsgard was there too...that would have made a lovely sandwich...oh Little M-we are going to have some good fantasies later honey, I promise.

Diary of a Horny Housewife

Horny....? Housewife....? Can you relate??? Then you might want to try this on for size.... it is still under a bit of construction...but we thought we would go ahead and open it up...

Diary of a Horny Housewife brought to you by Ms M, Ms J, and MarMar...

Paging My Fucking Excitment...Has Anyone Seen It?

What the FuckadeeFuckFuck is wrong with me. Where is the energy I felt for New Moon? I wonder if it has anything to do with the lack of Spoiler Whoring I've done. I was a MAJOR Whore for New Moon...I think I may have needed a double prescription of antibiotics from the doctor by the time that movie came out...but for this one...Not so much. I blame it on several things...first - Work... I don't have the time I once did to troll the blogs looking for things to feed my whorish addiction...and second I blame FANFIC-Who wants to see another shirtless still of Jacob the werewolf when I can read about a domineering Edward tying Bella up and whipping her lady bits with his flogger.... hmmm...



Now don't get me wrong-I am excited for the movie...hell-Ms J and I have had our tickets for opening night for a while now and we have a couple more tickets bought already for the weekend after...yeah-we plan on seeing this movie plenty of times! But are we counting down the hours? Not really. Have I picked out my outfit for opening night....uh..that would be a big ass "NO"....Wow-I suck!



On a completely random note...I am sitting here listening to the red carpet bullshit live on-line and Lance Bass just showed up...What the Fuck is Lance Fucking Bass doing at the Red Carpet. I mean we are already fighting a stereotype with these movies...do we really need HIM to be interviewed? Thanks a lot dumbass interviewer fuckers! And just a FYI...we don't care what sort of Evening Gown he was wearing..."WHAT?? He wasn't wearing an evening gown?" Oops...I must have heard him wrong.
Oh Goodie Miss Rosenberg... "Melissa-it must have been so difficult to write a script to this book"..."Why yes it was Miss Interviewer Girl...do you know how fucking difficult it is to fuck up a script based off a book, where basically the script was written for me...Yeah-I should win an award or some shit"....

Ok, I am off before I really piss some people off...

xoxo
Ms M

What Part of Hell Would I Be Sent To?

I know, I know we have been absent for some time now. Due to busy work schedules and dh's lurking about, oh shit, that's a lie...we just have been too busy reading lots of lemons on our phones.

Although I felt comfortable reading lemons most everywhere...today I decided maybe there was one place I shouldn't read them...at the church...

Here's my text to Ms M, "So what part of hell would I be sent to for reading about riding crops and nipple clamps in a church?"

She replied back, "The interesting/fun part, I'm sure!"

"LOL :-) where Ian Somerhalder or RPattz would be...with his flogger." I send back.

Ms M finishes up our conversation with, "and his wooden cross to tie you to!"

Thanks to Tara Sue Me for giving us some great D/s lemons! Never knew what the difference between a flogger and a riding crop was before reading The Training. :-)

No Mr. Massengill...YOU Sir Are the "Doucher"

So I have come to the conclusion that going back to work sucks big ass, sweaty, liver spotted, donkey nuts (well that and being married-because that complicates my blogging time as well). Not only do I have to put up with this ass jockey at work who insists on calling everyone a "doucher" but by the time I get home I am expected to make dinner, clean the house and get the kids ready for bed. This seriously blows! I can't even remember the last time I got to check out a Twilight related blog....oh don't get me wrong...I read "Twi-Porn" (aka: Fan-Fic) all day at work on my phone...but I haven't gotten a chance to troll the blogs and say hi to all our favorite ladies in a long time! So I am taking this very rare free moment to jump on here and say hello to you all...and let you kow that we are not dead. Ms J is just very pregnant and her hormones - along with her reading of "Fan-Fic" - have gotten the best of her...she may have to invest in some Duracell stock...just sayin'... seriously, she is still getting settled from her move-she finally got herself some living room furniture delivered Saturday (now you have NO excuse not to blog Twat Waffle!!!)....and I have been busy at work dealing with Mr. Massengill... I did however finally get rid of my house guest from HELL!!!! Holy FUCK!!! I'd love to go into ALL the details here, but since she was a minor-I don't know what the legalities are....

Anyway....we promise we won't stay away so long again!

Off to watch the MTV Movie Awards...

xoxo

Ms M

This Is Just Disturbing!

It really takes A LOT to disturb us, so when we say we are disturbed...believe us when we say it!

So What The Fuck is This?!? Who the hell wants a Damon Salvatore Action Figure Head...no, not the entire body...just the head.

Crotch..maybe..but just his head? Well, unless it was it his real head and his tongue still worked cause then I could stick it between my legs...

Happy Birthday to US!

One year ago Yesterday-we started this little ol' blog. We needed an outlet for all our perverted Twi-Thoughts that we couldn't share with our families (without getting put in a straight jacket and hauled off somewhere). Now a year later...the thought of being restrained doesn't sound so bad if some "Master of the Universe" was there with us...but sadly that probably wouldn't be the case. Our luck would be a Helga look-a-like would be there waiting for us to become her special girlfriend.... anyyyywayyyy... We just wanted to thank you all for all your comments and support over the last year. You ladies Rock!! Your comments have us in stitches everyday! You are all so smart and witty and we truly envy your creativity! We have to thank the Twitarded ladies for giving us the guts to start this blog! Their foul language and pervy thoughts surely paved the way for us. We didn't feel like we would totally shock and offend anyone since they were doing it first....although I think we have shocked them a few times...(wink wink).

xoxo
Ms M and Ms J