Vagina Costumes? A Fan Fic Rant?

What the ever lovin' EFF are these? Ok, I am not that stupid, I get that they are actually suppose to be pussies-but WTF!!??!! And is that suppose to be a tampon sticking out of the last lady hole?

I really have no words...except maybe-HEY MS J...I think I found a costume for your next office fundraiser.

Ok on to more related things (not that we keep with an ongoing theme here or anything)

FanFic: Here is my Love/Hate relationship with it and why.

I love it because, well, it is all naughty and takes my beloved straight laced Edward and makes him bad ass. Most of the stories I love he has some sort of ink going on, he likes to have angry wall sex, and he cusses (a fucking lot), plus he has a monster schlong (that never hurts anything in my book-well except if it were real life and it were coming at my lil' lady...that might hurt..at first...and after...maybe...perhaps I could get used to it...just sayin')...really the list goes on (sort of like Edwards massive love stick).

Now for what I hate:

I HATE waiting for updates. Not only because I am an impatient twat but because I start to worry after a while...what if the author got hit by a bus? And then because I am also a selfish cuntwaffle I think..."Well Damn! If she got hit by a bus, what if she never finishes the story, holy shit! What if she is dead? Mother F! If she went and died and left this story right at a cliffie I am going to be so fucking pissed!"

This is about the time I start checking all the reviews to try to find "clues" as to why said author isn't updating their FREE stuff (yes I get it people! These wonderful authors do this stuff for us in their spare time for FREE out the generosity of their fucking hearts). Then when the reviews give me no clues because it is just cluttered with other people begging for updates too...I am left checking every hour or so for days for updates and wondering whhhhyyyyyyyy? I am not going to resort to writing and begging too...I mean, what is the point. It isn't like they are going to be like "Oh LOOK, Ms M wrote so I guess I will go ahead and hit the update button. I have been just sitting here ignoring all these other bitches sending me private messages and reviews begging for updates, but since Ms M wants one..."

It is then that I decide I will never again read a "work in progress"-yeah I say this every time.

Do any of you worry about your favorite fanfic authors like we do? If so what do you do?

Fan Fic Porno on Youtube?

Our New Years resolution..Blog More... Um...yeah..we suck!

We did come across this "porno" on Youtube this morning and thought to ourselves..."selves...Someone has GOT to write a FanFic about this shit"...and then we thought, really-I think who ever made these Dunhill commericials was reading Fan Fic already.




I really hope this new Superman movie doesn't blow monkey balls! And Clark gets naked and shows just how "man of steely" he is.

Robert Pattinson Singing....

So here at OLONL we tend to make fun of "the precious" more often than not so when we came across this little gem this morning we couldn't help ourselves...we HAD to share!

Here is your warning...we damn near pissed our pants watching this...and one of us had an asthma attack and had to go puff on her inhaler!! With that in mind...ENJOY!!



and if you enjoyed that-there is more:




Xoxo
Ms M

It Will Rain Review-No List Style

So we finally got a chance review to the Bruno Mars track "It Will Rain" for Breaking Dawn..and to say we weren't a little scared to listen to at first is putting it lightly. I mean...every time that stupid "I'll Catch a Grenade For You" song came on the radio we wanted to stab someone in the eye. First off...what a lie. NO MAN ever is going to do all those things...willingly. Second...it sounds like Dr. Seuss to me.."I'll catch a grenade, I'll jump in front of a train, in a box with a fox, with a sparkly peen won't that be keen"...and thirdly any excuse to stab someone in the eye-we are down.

Anyhoooo... When the song first came out we were pleasantly surprised that it didn't trigger some hormonal rage in us...and the more it has played on the radio (oh every 20 fucking minutes - thank you Ryan Seacrest) it has grown on us a little more.

Now on to our beef...like we wouldn't have one...It seems to us that Mr. Mars is totally using this movie as an excuse to try and sell this song. I mean it doesn't even play DURING the movie does it? Isn't it just as the credits are rolling and people are rolling out of the theater? AND after watching his video, he doesn't he try to tie the song into the movie. He has his own shiny little actress playing HIS love interest...etc.. I think there might be a total of 20 seconds worth of BD in the video. I suppose in saying this...if that is our only complaint - we will just shut up and be thankful that the video didn't contain a bunch of Who's from Whoville.

xoxo

MS M

Henry Cavill in 3 Freakin' D

I think my vagina just blew up...hold on let me check...yep-she has most definantly injured herself...

I knew that Immortals was coming out today and I knew Henry Cavill was going to be in it...oh and to tie this into Twilight in some way...Kellan is in it too (and I will not deny he is yummy as well). What I did not realize (because I must have been living under a rock) was that it was in 3D.

Now normally I LOATH 3D movies. They are cheesy and give me a headache....but can you imagine seeing this in 3 fucking D:

Well Hello There Henry! Aaaaand Goodbye Panties...


So after I watched this, it took every ounce of self control not grab the corner of the laundry basket and have some fun.

If any one needs me I will be in Theater 2 sitting in the back...just me and my laundry basket...oh and my 3D glasses of course.

xoxo
Ms M

Lemony Halloween Decor?

Last night, my family and I were getting out our Halloween decorations and, of course, I had to bring out my stand-up Edward that Ms M bought for me last year. (Oh come on, I know you all have your full size Edward cut outs in your basement too and Halloween is a perfect excuse to bring them into the living room so you can gaze at it all day)

My Edward is from Eclipse...but I got to thinking...what I really would prefer is a Beautiful Bastard Edward. One who has bathed, doesn't have creepy golden eyes, and is dressed in a ready-to-rip-your-panties-off suit. I know some of you out there probably want a different lemony Edward... an Edward holding a flogger and nipple clamps, an Edward in a hockey uniform staring angrily as if he is ready to throw you up against the lockers, an Edward covered in tattoos and holding a cupcake. Don't you wish the local Halloween store sold those? LOL!

Now if you are reading this...(I think I heard a cricket chriping) but maybe, just maybe, someone is still out there- comment on what type of Edward you want to decorate your house with for Halloween-

A Porn Filled Audio Book...by Ms. J

So this morning I get a text from Ms J asking why they don't have our favorite fan fics on audio books...

It read a little something like this:

"Why don't they have audio books of lemony stories? I need someone to read those to me as I'm cleaning the house or doing laundry. Can you imagine hockeyward read out loud??!!!"

But what I actually read was this:

"Why don't they have audio books of lemony stories? I need someone to read those to me as I'm pretending to clean the house but instead I'm locked in my closet rubbing one out...or as I am pretending to do the laundry but instead I am rubbing my 'no-no' area against the laundry basket dreaming of hockeyward..."

YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MS J!!! I JUST KNOW YOU TOO WELL!!!

Anyway: my reply was..."OMG! Can you imagine if they got that skanky special needs chick that did the Breaking Dawn audio book to do it?!"

If so, it might sound a little like this:

Actually I think the monkey does a better job, but I think I will still keep my lil' lady in her pants rather than "get off" to audio porn...

ps..extra points to the first person that can Name that Lemon!!

xoxo