Lemony Halloween Decor?

Last night, my family and I were getting out our Halloween decorations and, of course, I had to bring out my stand-up Edward that Ms M bought for me last year. (Oh come on, I know you all have your full size Edward cut outs in your basement too and Halloween is a perfect excuse to bring them into the living room so you can gaze at it all day)

My Edward is from Eclipse...but I got to thinking...what I really would prefer is a Beautiful Bastard Edward. One who has bathed, doesn't have creepy golden eyes, and is dressed in a ready-to-rip-your-panties-off suit. I know some of you out there probably want a different lemony Edward... an Edward holding a flogger and nipple clamps, an Edward in a hockey uniform staring angrily as if he is ready to throw you up against the lockers, an Edward covered in tattoos and holding a cupcake. Don't you wish the local Halloween store sold those? LOL!

Now if you are reading this...(I think I heard a cricket chriping) but maybe, just maybe, someone is still out there- comment on what type of Edward you want to decorate your house with for Halloween-

A Porn Filled Audio Book...by Ms. J

So this morning I get a text from Ms J asking why they don't have our favorite fan fics on audio books...

It read a little something like this:

"Why don't they have audio books of lemony stories? I need someone to read those to me as I'm cleaning the house or doing laundry. Can you imagine hockeyward read out loud??!!!"

But what I actually read was this:

"Why don't they have audio books of lemony stories? I need someone to read those to me as I'm pretending to clean the house but instead I'm locked in my closet rubbing one out...or as I am pretending to do the laundry but instead I am rubbing my 'no-no' area against the laundry basket dreaming of hockeyward..."

YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MS J!!! I JUST KNOW YOU TOO WELL!!!

Anyway: my reply was..."OMG! Can you imagine if they got that skanky special needs chick that did the Breaking Dawn audio book to do it?!"

If so, it might sound a little like this:

Actually I think the monkey does a better job, but I think I will still keep my lil' lady in her pants rather than "get off" to audio porn...

ps..extra points to the first person that can Name that Lemon!!

xoxo

"Come" One! "Come" All! We Present to you...The Jizzle!!!

So Ladies...With Breaking Dawn coming out in how many more days...oh hell! I don't even know...but I do know it is getting closer and that means the excitement is mounting...and that means ya'll are probably "Mounting" other things in preparation. So I thought this little invention might "come" in handy...either when delivering a "handy" to your significant other to get him to let you go the the midnight showing, or while you make a mess of yourself reading fanfic waiting for the gawd damned premier to hurry the fuck up and get here already....



I present to you....The Jizzle! If only Edward knew about this little gem, he could have used the Pull and Pray method and we wouldn't be stuck watching him gnaw out a weird ass toddler out of Bella's stomach....









xoxo

ms m

Hatin' on the Prettay

So what would bring us out of hiding for a new blog post?

It would be tempting to report that this was the 28th day in a fucking row it has been over 100 gawd damned degrees here and if you ever hear us complain about the cold again you have our permission to shove a hot poker up our twats!



It would also be tempting to share with you the creeptanistic (what? that isn't a word? Fuck you! It is when it is 158 degrees outside) dude that sits next to me at work who sits there and rocks himself back and forth with his shirt pulled over his head. I am pretty sure he is a serial killer...just plotting.



But alas, those are not what brought us out... this my friends...THIS has grabbed our attention and we couldn't let it go and not put our two cents in...










Did I mention THAT was the good side? Here it the other half:







Um, yeah...



So then we see on Twitter where a lot...and we mean A LOT of chicks out there are digging this shit.... WTF?! Are you people fucking delusional? Ms J showed me an article written a few weeks ago from a pretty respected news corporation that had Mr. Pattinson admitting not using "Shampoo"... that is just gross. I don't care what you say! and then to see this!





I don't understand why every time Rob does something that is completely disgusting or downright stuuuupppiiiiddd  (example: "I am allergic to Vagina") these women seem to become more turned on.





I am not here to "Rob-Bash"...for real-I am not...We Just Don't GET IT!!!!





I guess to each his / her own...








The End..





xoxo


ms.m





ps. please don't hate on me for hatin' on the prettay.

Saturday Morning Twilight Viewing

Why is it that every time this movie is on I am sucked in? Is it that every time it comes on I am delusional and think "oooh maybe this time it will be good! Maybe this time they will follow the fucking book". Why do I torture myself like this? I know by the end I am going to want to throw something at the tv and yell "Bob Saget!! This is Bullshit!" What I wouldn't give for a "re-do"... Oh who am I kidding...it will happen. I give it 20 years and someone will come along and redo these movies....perhaps they will get them right...one can only hope, right?


**On a side note, we tried to clean up the blog roll on the side, if we noticed the blogs hadn't been updated in more than 6 months we took them off. If we took you off and it was in error, just let us know.

We also tried to clean up the "Lemon Basket". A lot of the fics listed in there were either taken down by FF or removed by the Authors themselves... or just so old we thought everyone would have already read them...

Leaking Pictures and Leaking Lady Parts

So, unless you have been living under a rock you have probably been humping your computer screens with the rest of us for the past 24 hours. You know what I am talking about...the Leaked Breaking Dawn Pictures. Now, (as I have stated many times in the past...) I am not a fan of prison/jail/becoming the new fish....so we will not be posting the pictures here...hell I am truly so frightened of Summit that I don't even want to post a fucking link. Now if you haven't seen them I think Perez Hilton has some up (and apparently his rainbow colored balls are bigger than mine) and you could probably do a google search and find a whole gaggle of them for your viewing pleasure. I do have a little something to say to Summit...I have read their little "please don't look at our pictures" letter and let me just tell you this: 2 days ago more people were talking about Water For Elephants and how big of a cock the guy from Beastly owned more than Breaking Dawn. Oh sure...us Twilight junkies were excited for BD to come out...but November just seemed so far away and you have kept everything so secret....it is hard to get excited about something you don't get a visual for.... lets fastforward to today...HOLY SHIT FUCK! You have the TwiWorld in an uproar...people that weren't excited are buying batteries in bulk until November gets here. You are in no way going to "suffer" from this leak.... my panties...those may be a different story...just saying. xoxo Ms M

Used Hoootie Hoo Products?

Being Unemployed means I tend to spend too much time trolling the internet reading random shit. Reading random shit brings on a new set of problems...it makes me second guess the intelligence of this great nation we live in...or at least the cleanliness.

Today I was reading somewhere about the different types of products used for menstrual cycles...yeah interesting topic I know... they started talking about this *Diva Cup thingie...which is basically a giant plastic cup that you shove up your hooootie hoooo and it collects all the blood or gross shit over 12 hours. Once it is full you stick your fingers and in a couple of cases pliers up into BeavTown and retrieve the devise, rinse it out (hopefully not in the office bathroom sink) and re-insert it back in your Vag.

Ok, I was alright with all of this until I started reading the comments...and then found people actually reselling their used (FUCKING USED) *Diva Cups....

"Oh look Ervette some one is selling a used *Diva Cup!"
"Shut the Fuck up Jo-Bob-Bertha! I gotta get me one of those! You know that is how Carl Junior got him some teeth, they was sellin' them right there on the internets from some ol feller who didn't need em' anymore"

Holy Christ people! There are places to draw the line...and used sanitary products are definitely it!!!

xoxo
Ms M

ps... Chapter 2 will be up soon!