Ding Dong! Oh Hello, CPS is That You?

For the past 11 months I have been waiting for the day Child Protective Services shows up at my door because I have been neglecting my motherly duties because of all my new...er... Twilight duties. Well, if it didn't happen before I am quite frightened it most certainly will happen now.

Let me give you a little back story...my little ones are in 1st grade this year and their teacher is a Stick-In-The-Mud, No Sense of Humor, Corn Cob Permanently Stuck Up Her Ass, Arthritic, Non Smiling (I'm not even sure she knows what the emotion of "happiness is") type of an educator....

So the day before Christmas break the girls bring home all their Christmas Crafts, and in the pile are the cards they made for me and dh. We each got separate cards. Dh's card is all cute with a little gingerbread man and they wrote "Merry Christmas Daddy, you are a good boy" "Ho Ho Ho"...blah blah blah... Mine however was this:

Yes, you are seeing that right...that is a Vampire Gingerbread man with blood dripping down his face and a picture of Edward beside it.

So I am thinking..."Shit!"...but ok, surely the teacher will just forget about it and think this was a one time occurrence and my kids are just weird.

But NO, I couldn't get THAT lucky! Yesterday...the girls bring home this little masterpiece for me:

Yeah---it says "EAT YOUR BLUD"... Great!

So now I am thinking WONDERFUL, now she probably thinks we are a bunch of weirdo's and sacrifice animals and shit as I am positive she isn't a closet Twilover!

I would bet money the first thing she did after my kids left school yesterday was call someone to tattle on me. I can just hear the conversation now:

"CPS, How May I help you?"

"Yes, This is Mrs. Cob and we have an emergency!"

"Oh No, What is wrong?"

"I have two children in my class that are in mortal danger! Their mother is a vampire loving freak"

"Vampire you say? What type? The kind that burn to a crisp upon entering the sunlight, or the pretty sparkly kind"

"What do you mean? Are you telling me there are different kinds? And does it matter"

My only hope now is that the people at CPS are understanding and perhaps one of them fuckers has read the books and is just as obsessed as me....and appreciates good art when they see it!

Yeah-these pictures are getting framed!

Rob...A Hot Mess? Why Sure!

So, in all honesty...Ms J and I have been busy all weekend reading fan-fic. And we still aren't caught up enough to present a proper post...so we present this to you and ask for your forgiveness:

Did it work? Are we out of the dog house? Or did we just dig ourselves further in a hole because now you are sitting there in soiled undergarments?

Escaping the Vampire? Why Would I Want to Escape the Vampire? I Really Want to Fuck One!

Especially if the vampire is say, RPattz or Ian Sommerhalder.

A new book has been published for teen girls by a Christian writer called Escaping the Vampire.

Here is the product description:
Every teen girl has a desire to be fought for, protected, and cherished---as reflected by the recent fascination with vampires! Filled with true stories, helpful advice, and the truth about Christ's unconditional love, Powers's guide will help young women battle life-draining issues---including abuse, depression, and perfectionism---and find fulfillment in the only Immortal Hero.

I wonder when they will come out with a book targeting us...the horny, thirty year old pre-cougar vampire loving women? What will the title be? "Jesus Loves You, now put down the laptop and the vibrating sparkly peen" :-) (Note from Ms M: Jesus is Not who I want sneaking into my bed at night and fucking me silly...sorry Captain J-you are a cool dude and all, I'm just not into harps and sandles. I am really tired of the Christian community sticking their noses into something they know NOTHING about...perhaps if they read the fucking books they wouldn't feel compeled to write such bullshit).

As I write this I am sitting in a church, if I get struck down by lightning...please don't let my DH know what I was doing at the time :-)

It's FF Friday!

Happy Fan Fic Friday!

This weeks recommended Fan Fic is Emancipation Proclamation ! Many of you may have already started reading this as we are pretty late to the Fan Fic Game. But if you haven't...you have got to! This one ranks right up there with The Office in our eyes!

Here is a little peak at what others think of Mr. Edward Cullen in E.P....Do we need to say (or show you) anything more to persuade you?

A Little Fan Fic Inspiration

Tomorrow is Fan-Fic Friday and we thought we would post a little Rob Inspiration for you guys....

Now get your panties changed and start sending in your reading lists!

Eclipse Leaked Script! Yeah, We Read It! (No Spoilers For You)

What part of the word "Spoiler Whores" didn't you understand? LOL!

So, we got our grimy little hands on the leaked Eclipse script this morning and read through it. And we are fucking excited! We would retract the evil rotten things we have said in the past about Melissa Rosenberg...but we still stand by our comments because of Twilight! But if this IS the script (and from our experience...the New Moon one we got our hands on was spot on)... I think she is listening to us and trying to stay closer to the books! Of course there are a few discrepancies...but I think that is to be expected when converting a book into a movie.

Anyway...we wanted to know...how many of you have gotten a hold of it and read through it like us? And what did you think?

And I am sorry, we will not be putting the link here...as I am pretty sure with the way Summit works I would be put in the pokey somewhere and I have no desire to become some one's bitch! Broomsticks hold no interest for me or my vagina.... I don't wanna be the new fish! So if you are wanting to read the script too....just google it, I am sure someone out there-braver than we are-has it available.

So Long 2009...We Will Miss You!

The year in review…No List Style!

February 2009, what we thought was the worst day of our lives (when we both got laid off from our jobs) turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Ok Ok- we really miss our big paychecks….but would I trade in my Twilight love to go back in time and be back in the corporate world dealing with jackasses everyday…not a chance! And where as Ms J and I worked side-by-side everyday in our little cubie, and we got along great….we were not THIS close! I now consider her one of my very best friends-and we have Twilight to thank for that. There are times when I think…if we had found Twilight BEFORE we got escorted out of the building, work would have been a LOT more fun….of course-that probably would have led to us getting escorted out sooner than we did. We were actually the last people of our department to get it…before they completely shut down our job functions.

So back to where I was…February 2009, I know-we were behind the craze! That is when I picked up the first book-just to see what the fucking hype was all about….I remember my own daughter telling me not to do it…she said “Don’t do it mom, you will fall in love with Edward”…I told her to Fuck off (yeah my house is like an episode of the Sopranos) I wasn’t going to fall in love with a fictional vampire… um…I was wrong… about an hour into it I was like "Well Shit! I am in love with Volvo Driving Vampire"....I talked Ms J into seeing the movie with me a few days later-and the rest is history. It wasn’t until sometime in May that we thought it would be a grand idea to start a blog (our original Twisessed blog). It didn’t take long for “Hump” days to start...and the humping hasn't stopped since. Whether it is our little plastic dolls humping or Ms J and I humping our computer chairs while reading fan fic...there is plenty of crotch rubbing to go around in this place!

Then we started making TwiFriends! Yes! We consider everyone of you that follow us a friend! And you are some AMAAAAZING Gals (and possibly one dude). Most of you have your own blogs-and we can't start our own days without checking them out...ok-to be honest-since we don't have j.o.b.s. we check them out SEVERAL times a day...just waiting for you to update them.

And then we found other things "vampire" related (not just the sparkly peen) ...and fell in LOVE. We have Twilight to thank for that-because I don't think I would ever wanted to watch a "vampire" show before Twilight entered my world. But now...if the trailer says "vampire" I say "when is it on?" You know what I am talking about: True Blood and Vampire Diaries. We even got our DH's sucked (no pun intended) into True Blood (I think it might have been all the titties flying around-but whatever)....now we are free to drool over Vampire Eric (I am sorry all you Bill fans, he just doesn't do it for me) while our husbands are free to yell "Sookie is Mine". And where as Vampire Diaries might have started out a little cheesy and retarded....it brought us Damon-and for that I forgive them. And it actually has gotten good. I am now interested in the story and not just wondering when Damon will take his shirt off next.

And lastly let's not forget the FanFic! And to think...a year ago we were just a couple of prudes with potty mouths! Neither of us had ever even read a single "erotic" romance novel. Hell one of us didn't even read per say... Not that "that" person COULDN'T read...she just was busy doing other things. Now we spend hours a day reading about all the "Naughty" Edwards....and at night...the dh's may/or may not be benefiting from said reading. But seriously-who knew there were so many talented people out there who could/and would write this stuff for our benefit (for free).... You ladies definitely deserve a muffin basket because you Rock Our World! ... (pun is indeed intended there! LOL)

So now you have our No List year in review...Where will we go in 2010? We aren't sure, but we are excited to share this Twilight journey with you guys! With the DVD release of New Moon and Eclipse hitting the big screen, this year looks to be just as eventful as the last. Of course we vowed to keep our Twi-hymens in place for Eclipse, but after watching New Moon, we realized it didn't really matter that we watched all the teasers and leaks leading up to the big night...we were still just as excited and the movie was still as good. And REALLY had we not prepared ourselves for certain parts (the kissing in Volturi, No Silver Volvo, The WolfPack Reveal, No Tears for the Break Up, and the Volturi "fight") we might have been more upset...but we had time--time BEFORE the movie to be upset and we were prepared for it the night of the premier. So we actually went into the movie thinking it was going to blow big ass donkey shits.... and came out surprised at ourselves that we liked it! We fully believe it had everything to do with the preparation of all the things they changed that would have otherwise pissed us off (more so than it already did)...so in saying all of that...bring on the teasers, the leaks, and pictures....everything you got...we are SOOO going to be Eclipse Whores! We WILL NOT be posting them here though...because we know some of you want to stay pure and we wish you luck with that. Meanwhile-bring on the penicillin bitches-cause WE are going to need it!

Anyway....we hope you will stick around and let's see where 2010 takes us!