We Are On To You Scummit!

We have figured out your little game and we are NOT impressed! When has there been another DVD release that comes in such varied forms? Usually you pick from Widescreen or Fullscreen and that is it. Sometimes you can pick from the "Normal" package or a "Deluxe" package but every fucking "Deluxe" package is the same. OOOHHH but this can NOT be the case with money hungry Scummit can it? Oh no, they have to some up with 15 million different versions of the same fucking DVD with different sets of "extras" on each version. How are we suppose to pick one...oh wait...that is Scummit's little plan...they don't want us to choose just one. They are banking on the fact that we won't be able to live without ALL the extras so we will be purchasing more than one. Well I have news for you Summit...I ain't gonna do it! I am picking one and that is it! Now I just have to figure out what ONE I want. Do I want the one with all the behind the scene extras, do I want the one with the Eclipse footage (because you all know what kind of whore I am)...gahhh-decisions decisions decisions.... OH FUCK YOU SUMMIT! I WANT THEM ALL!! Load em' up! Do you think my husband will notice 20 different cases of the same movie sitting together? I guess as long as he doesn't call the good people over at A&E and put my ass on an episode of Hoarders all is good...right?

Although I am pretty sure, if they actually looked at what I WAS hoarding they would agree....jawporn is on the "Approved" list.

I Wonder If By "Articulated Body" She Means He Has A Wang?

Did I hear a collective gasp from the Ian fans? Yeah-someone attempted (I used that word for a reason) to make a Damon Doll. There are so many things wrong with this I don't know where to begin. First I will start with the hair. What. The. Fuck. Is. With. The. Hair.? It looks like Jasper's hair in New Moon, only black. Ok, then lets get to the part where his neck is cut in fucking half.... now we wouldn't be opposed if the thing was bendie (unlike our mini E). But we are intrigued by the fact that if by the word "Articulated" she actually means she put dick on Damon...oh the possibilities... A Bendie Damon we could put in sexual positions (with a Dick)! Where do we place our bid!?!



If you want to check out the auction, and perhaps buy your own Damon Doll (with a possible dick) Click Here

This Whore Is On A Roll! (Once Again...Don't Look If You Are Trying To Stay Pure-Oh who am I kidding...come to the dark side, it is more fun here!)

There is no stopping a true Whore!

We were informed that Scummit (or youtube..whichever) removed the video we posted last week that had all our panties flying towards the screens...Fuckers! But we aren't going to let that get us down. Nope! We just went and found another one. This one isn't set to the same music...but it is the same pictures. Take that you Clam Jammers!!

Now honestly, I would recommend you watch this as many times as you can before they find this one and remove it too...if you read our post from the weekend you will recognize that it IS indeed "just our luck" that things like this get removed as soon as we post about them.

Just Our Luck

We got a few emails yesterday with people wondering where our weekly Friday Fan Fic recommendation was...I guess some of you ladies love your porn just as much as we do! Well, here is the story...and no, not the recommended story..

We have decided not to do our little recommendations anymore and here is why: Every stinkin' time we recommended a story it seemed like the stories got pulled because of TOS issues-and even though we aren't so full of ourselves to think it really is because of us. Because really besides you reading this now and possibly a few others, we don't have a very big following here. We do believe in something called "just our luck"...yeah... it was "just our luck" that our company downsized and got rid of our department... just like it was "just our luck" (well more like Ms J's) that the moment she finally decides to go buy a new car and gets it home it happens to be the one that the accelerator sticks and now she is just awaiting death...

So for the safety of our precious porn we won't be posting what we have added to our reading list. Now because we do love you....if you are low on your porn stash and in need of a new story...just send us an email and we will gladly send you some reqs that way.

Happy Saturday!

xoxo

Ms M

A 39 Second Orgasm and Brown Herpes

So after Ms J tried to burn your retinas right our of your head yesterday with her loooovvveeely post we decided to try and make it up to you today. We present to you .... a 39 second orgasm:

Now we know some of you don't enjoy Mr Somerhalder as much as we do (and for reasons we just don't get.....while we are at it...why don't you tell us...what is NOT to love about this man...)...anyway I searched YouTube for a new video of Rob to put on here for the rest of you...and you know what? The only new ones I can find are from the Details photo shoot and after watching about....oh 50 of the fuckers I started getting really disturbed..oh now-don't get me wrong, I am NOT a prude by any stretch of the imagination...I am however ....clean. And what I don't find "clean" is Rob laying on a bathroom floor that looks like it is harboring all sorts of bacteria and disease. I am also a little taken back by the chicks brown nipples. I'd like to know who thought those were attractive...."oh yes Model A, your tits are wonderful, I love the dark brown shading! Take our top off and hop over into the bathtub". Y.U.C.K. Let me say I am not a lesbian-but I can appreciate an attractive female body...and that chick does NOT have one...she looks like she may be in need of a Valtrex refill.

For the LOVE of God Rob-I hope you used some antibacterial soap after this pose! Everywhere I look I see Herpes! Herpes on the floor, Herpes on the wall, Herpes in the tub, Herpes by his foot, Herpes Herpes Herpes! Perhaps that is what her big brown nipples are....Herpes.

Breaking Dawn in the Geriatric Ward

Since I am home today, Ms M informed me that I am writing the post for today.

First, Emancipation Proclamation updated! :-) Go read it, well, after you finish reading our post. (and no I didn't fake being sick just to stay home and read it)

Second, this morning after discussing the latest EP update, Ms M and I were trying to figure out what was up with the movie of Breaking Dawn. Here is what Stephenie Meyer says on her site:

January 12, 2010

Just a quick note on the subject of the Breaking Dawn film: there is no drama over whether the book should be one movie or two. My personal feeling is that it would be very difficult to cram the whole story into one movie (as I've said in many interviews previous to this), but if a great way of doing that surfaces, I'm all for it. Two or one, whichever way fits the story best is fine by me, and everyone I've spoken with at Summit seems to feel the same way. We're all excited to move forward on this, and we are slowly and surely getting there. I know people are anxious for news, and so sometimes gossip gets fabricated to stir things up, but there's no basis to this particular story.

Steph

So here is the problem, we are wondering what will happen to the actors if it continues to be slowly worked out. There were already several changes from the first to the second movies. Ms M's favorite one to point out (no not Taylor's chest) is Mike Newton's bloating. That is when I remind her that Dr. Cullen also looks more er, bloated as well. What the hell are they feeding those guys at the Twilight conventions. LOL!

These are some thoughts we tossed around this morning:

Will Robward have to begin dyeing his lovely eyebrows to make sure no gray pops out?

What if Taylor actually starts to date Adam Lambert?

Dr. Cullen and Mike Newton can't fit into any of the clothes from any of the earlier movies?

Or God Forbid...THIS is the HONEYMOON Scene we end up with:

And here is some sex in the meadow:

"Gran? Is that you?" "NO, It is YOU Bella! I told you not to wait so long to film that fucking movie, but did you listen to me? NOOOOOO"

I know-we just ruined your retinas didn't we? But can you imagine? Put those pictures in motion and possibly in 3-D.

They need to start filming NOW! We can't take the risk!!!

Don't Watch This Video...Unless You Are a "Whore" Like Us!

Or maybe you could watch if you are a "just the tip" kind of gal as well...but for the love of all things holy-don't fucking watch it if you are trying to remain a virgin (of ANY sort). Even our friend who happens to LOVE the Twilight series, but thinks Robert Pattinson's head looks like a foot: (I know-GASP!) wanted to hump her computer screen after watching this video...so don't say you haven't been warned!

Have a happy HUMP Day!

Passwords Requests and Kidnapper Vans

Well, well, well, I guess I ought to bitch more often. After months of trying to get a log in over at Twilighted.net and getting no where-I write one little blog post and whaaalaaaa! I got a password sent to me!



Now let's see what else I can bitch about and perhaps get changed:

What the Fucking Chocolate Dipped Hell! I woke up alone again today! No Rpattz or Mr. Somerhalder in my bed. What the fuck! I don't understand! I have been requesting this for quiet a while now and nothing has happened! I know I have sent my requests in correctly. I am not even being picky...either man will do. I wasn't even specific as to what they needed to be doing in my bed! They could be sleeping, reading, licking my poor neglected clit, pounding me doggy style....fuck I don't care if they are passing gas as long as they are there! Soooooo who ever is reading this blog, and obviously has some sort of superpowers (because I got a password yesterday)-get with it! I am awaiting my man candy!


Now for my serious question/rant for the day: What the fuck is up with Lost? I mean I started watching that show when it first aired and then it "lost" me so I stopped. Then they decided to bring the show to an end-and by doing so they were going to tell everyone what the fuck was going on...and more importantly they teased us by saying they were bringing back Boone (Ian). He was even in some articles for Lost and on Regis and Kelly hawking the show. So that led me to believe...."OOOH, Lost might be worth watching again....Ian shirtless on the beach....mm'mm...and they are suppose to give us the answers to their stupid show." So I started watching again. And you know what? It sucks! I am sorry if any of you like it...but seriously what the fuck?! Where is Boone? Was it really just the 45 seconds of him on the plane talking to John and that is it? I feel cheated and lied to! Lost is like the dirty old man in the kidnapper van who offered me a piece of candy and then hog tied my ass, threw me in the backseat and won't let me go home! Fuckers!

COCKBLOCKED WITHOUT A LIFE VEST

It certainly doesn't take much to piss me off these days...and today is no exception. Ok, perhaps "pissed" is a little harsh, but I am irritated as fuck! One of my favorite lemons was pulled from FF (well a bunch were pulled-but that isn't exactly the point of my story for now) and the author decided to move it over to the Twilighted.Net forum. OK, that is probably all fine and dandy for EVERY one else...but me! I have tried for MONTHS to get a log in over there and nothing! I enter all my fucking information and they never send me a gawd damn password. So now I have officially been cockblocked (eerrr...is that the right word if I technically don't own a cock and do indeed have a pussy?) by Twilighted.net. I know I am entering my correct email address and I wait and wait and fucking wait for them to send me a password as they state will happen "immediately"...and it never does...liars!
Off topic for a moment...holy fuck balls sent from heaven above-have you seen the new pictures floating around from the Details/Vogue spread? Well of course you have...I seem to be the only fucker living under a rock for the past few days. Honolulu Girl over at True Blood Twilight even has a fuckawesome video that she got from somewhere...veryrobobsessed maybe...anyway if you haven't seen it...I actually feel sorry for you because you are more sheltered than myself...but you have got to take a look at this:

That was......mmmm....well lets just say I need a life vest because I am drowning over here!

I am still irked about not being able to get into Twilighted...but fuck it-I guess I will just watch this video again!

Just A Little Saturday Video

Fan Fic Recommendations and 6 Year Olds Learning How To Use A Stripper Pole

It's FF Friday, and Thanks to Latchkey Wife our asses have been O.W.N.E.D. by Illegal Contact by GreenEyedGirl17. The authors notes state: Edward Masen is a 29 year old former NFL football player, now coaching high school football in Forks. He leads a quiet life until he meets a woman that will change his life forever. What's been missing from his life may be right in front of him.

And if you are feeling like you have too much free time on your hands and can't get enough of the lemons...go check out LKW's site-she is recommending yet another fic today.

This Friday's video is dedicated to Rob, Ian and some other random dudes...ok by "random dudes" I am talking about the random dude from Glee (Puck I believe, although every time I tried to type his name I kept typing "Puke"...for the sake of having an open mind he isn't bad looking...but I'd rather just have Rob and Ian in my video) and Dawson/errr I mean Paul Wesley (Stephan).

On a completely random side note: Is it bad that this song is one of my twins' favorites? They know every word and sing it all the time. Shit Fuck! I am raising little Miley Cyrus's aren't I? Well, I suppose as long as don't roll out a stripper pole and teach them how to use it before they are 16 all is good, right? right....

I Got Porn! And Other Ramblings!

It has been hard to keep a coherent thought today... there are just too many things going on in my head all at the same time. I am pretty certain I suffer from some sort of Adult Attention Deficient Disorder so couple that with all my random thoughts today and WHAMMMOOO! I am a mess!

First: We must say Happy Birthday to Taylor "Take your iced tea and shove it now" Lautner! During the mist of realizing that we are not on some sort of FBI list now for oogling over shirtless pictures of him (although it is my belief that pictures taken before today still count for child porn-so HEY TAYLOR! Take some New Pictures Will Ya?!) I came to the conclusion that he needs a new head. There I said it! Go ahead spear me now! But I don't find his face attractive at all...he looks like a child. A child with a ridiculously big nose...I have to wonder if that is why they cast his as the werewolf...because his nose looks like a muzzle. Anyway...take his shirt off and it is like a complete 180! We no longer are obsessing over how big of a mac truck can drive up that snout!

Second: I got some porn in the mail! Thank you CFTT!!! YOU TOTALLY ROCKED MY DAY! Ms J is so jealous! As she is sitting in a church filled with children I keep sending her little clips of porn to her cell phone! Wouldn't those parents just love to know they are paying someone to watch porn (in a church) while they are suppose to be watching their kids?! I keep getting little texts back that say things like "Holy Fucking Shit is that a Tit?" and "Oh My God! I would totally let him stick that in my ass"....I will go on the record in Ms J's defense and say I do not think she is an actual "ass fucker", but I think she totally could be convinced by the right person! Now I don't think I will be able to watch VD tonight without thinking of Ian's fine ass pounding away!

That brings me to my Third though: But guess what-I forgot what it was...Fucking AADD! Screw it I am off to watch the rest of my porn and get ready for VD tonight.

Thanks again CFTT!!!! I Really Do Love You!!!

HUMPING IT IN A NEW LOCATION!

Now that we have your attention with the above giffage...or maybe we have lost your attention...shit! You are probably humping the computer screen aren't you? OK, when you are done and have wiped down your screens so you can read this:

Its HUMP day! And we don't want any of you all to lose your humping abilities! So for the sake of not being a "gossip" site...we will just let you know some of the facts (that's not like gossip is it?).

Our beloved Emancipation Proclamation got pulled from FF yesterday due to some violations (we don't feel we need to get into the "whys" as it isn't our place). What we do want to tell you is the Awesome Author Ms KhariZZmatiK has moved the story to her blog: http://kharizzmatik-ep.blogspot.com/?zx=3793b5aa83c1fd9 and as far as we can tell it is all there, along with the outfits! There is even a little spot on the side where you can sign up for "Email Alerts". So if you haven't already...get your ass on over there and sign up for email alerts and follow her! GIVE HER SOME LOVE!!!!

Cullens Incarcerated?

There must be a conspiracy. God must be saving your eyes from our video that we were supposed to finish today. It is another fucking snow day and no we don't live in the mountains. So, on my snow day today-what am I to do now that I am caught up on all my fanfics, if your answer is to find more, then you are correct.

I came across this contest. I have not read any of the entries yet, but I figured if you are snowed the fuck in like we are maybe these would give you something to read on your phone while you pretend to be interested in your children.

These are all one chapter entries and then you can vote.

Here is the link:

Cullens Incarcerated

ITS FRIDAY! We've Ran Out of Porn (sob sob)!

Yeah-it's Friday (That is stating the obvious isn't it!?)...and what would normally be Fan Fic Friday. But it seems like all week has been Fan Fic Friday around here and we haven't read anything new (besides what we have already posted about). We are excited that A Little Crazy is suppose to start updating. From my understanding it is done and just waiting on some voting to happen first before they start updating FF.

Anyhow, with no new FF to give you...I give you a contest instead... One of our FABULOUS readers/bloggers Rachel Z is hosting a contest on her site: www.mylifewithatwilightobsession.blogspot.com

Go on! Go check it out...of course I don't know why you would bother since I am obviously going to win...LOL!


Now, we are looking for some help of our own! Our site looks BORING! We visit other sites and they have sparkly thingies going on in the side bars and they have 3 fucking columns...3! I know there is a way to do it...but fuck if I can figure the shit out..... so, if anyone is willing and able to "Pimp" our site out...let me know. Maybe we can work out a trade...let's see what do we have to offer...Naked pictures of vampires...will that do? LOL! No really, perhaps a box of chocolates along with our eternal gratitude.

On a completely random side note: this picture had us in stitches (I don't know who made it, and you all know we still love our Ian, but you gotta admit...this is funny shit):

MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK AND A NEW FF

YES! IT'S THURSDAY! You know what that means...DAMON!

OK-How many of you have read Hunterhunting's new FF The Misapprehension of Bella Swan? If you haven't - you must! If you don't know: Hunterhunting is the creator of Clipped Wings Inked Armor and she started a new story about "Hockeyward". The first chapter posted yesterday...and it looks like it is going to be lighthearted and gooooood. So go on...get to reading it (if you haven't already).

I LOVE PORN!

What happens when three of your favorite fan fics update on the same fucking day...well I will tell you what happens ... you don't blog until you have read them ... ALL.... Not that I am complaining...actually I was quite ecstatic when I woke up this morning to find 3 updates in my inbox. So my day consisted of reading porn in the dealership this morning while waiting on an oil change...and then reading more porn at the hairdresser (who probably thinks I suffer from a severe case of hemorrhoids now because of all my squirming in the chair). But I am all caught up ....and really ... the cliff hangers are the worst! My biggest fear is that the authors will get hit by a bus and won't finish and I will be left hanging....this is way worse than any case of blue balls - I am sure of it!

HOLY CHOCOLATE DIPPED TESTICAL TUESDAY!

So, I was looking around trying to find something to get us pumped up for the return of Lost tonight on ABC...BOONE!!!! When I found some pictures of Mr. Somerhalder doing the naughty on the web...WTF? How did I miss this? So I started thinking..."Did he make a sex tape?" "How can I get it?" "Is it reeeeaaallly him?"...so I researched the shit! And OH YES it is real...it is from an HBO show called Tell Me You Love Me, and he is full on naked and bonin' some chick named Michelle Borth.

I am sorry to say I have done my best investigative work by scouring the internet all morning trying to find the video of "said act", all I could find are the still pictures...but I did come across this little number:

You get the idea...now are you ready for Lost? Now I will admit I stopped watching after a couple of seasons because it got too confusing---but I am super excited to watch now...and now that they are going to explain everything maybe I won't feel so "Lost" watching it!

IF YOUR ARE GOING TO PHOTOSHOP A DICK-DO IT RIGHT!

A few months ago Ms J (or was it me, I don't remember who-probably Ms J cause she is the pervy one...) came across a picture of her beloved Josh Duhamel NAKED on the internet. Yeah...full frontal...naked....and very small and crooked. It was very disturbing. I personally can not look at Josh the same. Then later one us (probably the pervy one) came across some naked pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio, there again...the junk was weird looking and was swinging to the right. EEEWWW! That is all I can say about that...EWWWW! Well Saturday night comes and Ms J and her hubby invited my family over to watch a basketball game...ok, not that Ms J or I have any interest in basketball, but the husbands do and this gives us an excuse to go off to the other room and watch vampire porn and surf the internet together...FUN! Well, fun until one of us types in "Ian Somerhalder Naked" into Ms J's laptop and up pops a picture of Mr Somerhalder and his willy... now in all honesty. It looks fake to us. We studied the picture for a while....a looooonnng while if you know what I mean. And we got to thinking...who photoshops this shit? And if you are going to take the time to photoshop a dick on your favorite actor-wouldn't you take the time and find a penis worthy of placing on said actor? I mean, I am no Penis Expert....but.... I do know that anything under - oh I don't know...4 inches isn't sexy. I do know anything that is bent, crooked, or otherwise not looking "normal" isn't sexy. BUMPS, LUMPS and RASHES are NOT sexy! and good GOD it needs to be the right color! A blackish purple dick on a pink man looks GROSS!

Now for the sake of your eyeballs we will not be posting the pictures we found. We don't have very many readers of this blog-and we surely don't want to blind the ones we have! But if you reaaaaallly want to see the pictures...just google them (with your moderator off).

Now for a little "tease"...COMING SOON!!!! Ms J, Ms M, Ms S, and a special Guest will appear on this blog! You will get to SEE us! Shit! I guess I might as well post Ian's pecker-if we are going to blind anyway...LOL! Anyway-stay tuned-it will probably be next Tuesday-but it is sure to be funny shit!